Why I’m a “He Loves Me Coach” and You Can Be Too!

1. I’m a ‘He loves me coach’, because He does. That’s right, God loves me and because of that I can love.
2. I love YOU! In the words of Steve Hardison, “If you can hate someone you do not know, why can’t I LOVE someone I do not know?”
3. I may never meet you but you can rest assured- and if you ever doubt- Yes, I love you. That’s what a professional coach does!
4. When you work with me, you will never doubt that I love you and you’ll even say “He loves me!”
5. I wasn’t always this kind of coach. Maybe you can relate.
6. It’s hard to be a ‘He loves me coach’ when you don’t know or feel that you are loved by love.
7. And if you’re a coach, that can leave your clients feeling like ‘He loves me not!”
8. The real epidemic is that many wonder daily ‘Does he love me, or does he love me not?’
9. This is what happens when we search for love on the outside, in other people or things, rather than on the inside.
10. You remember the childhood game with the flower. How does your Daisy look today? Is it missing petals that you have plucked playing ‘He loves me, he loves me not.’
11. Why not put your Daisy back in the vase just as it is and give it some fresh water and sunshine.
12. You don’t ever have to wonder again if you are loved!
13. Again, I am a ‘He loves me’ coach. And even if you ever play the game, you’ll get to the last petal on the Daisy and it’s always going to be the same answer! “He loves me!”.

Some Reasons Why a ‘Maybe’ or a ‘No’ Can Be as Good as a Yes!

Some reasons why a ‘maybe’ or a ‘no can be as good as a ‘Yes!’.
1. Perhaps you like to help people. Perhaps you’re a Real Estate Agent who helps people find the right home. Or a writer, who writes valuable content for your readers. Or a used Car Salesman who helps people find the right car. Who knows, you might even sell Crypto, or be a Life Coach.
2. All of these pursuits can be challenging, especially as you develop new skill sets and/or strategies.
3. Regardless of how persuasive or talented you are, not everyone will be ready to buy.
4. Sometimes they decide to take a flyer instead of buying the whole farm; the way someone tears off your phone number at the bottom of an advertisement you hang on the bulletin board in the supermarket.
5. That’s O.K, in fact, it’s wonderful! If you walk by the sheet of paper and one is tore off but there are nine more, don’t get discouraged! Someone took your number. Your ad made them curious. Rejoice over the one they took, don’t focus on the ones that haven’t been taken yet. Be grateful!
6. Similarly, while we all love to hear the word ‘Yes!’, it doesn’t always come. But if you’re going to maximize your potential as a human being, you cannot NEED to hear the word ‘Yes!’.
7. If you need to hear the word ‘Yes!’, you’ll be disappointed and lose your cool and gentle spirit that sets you apart. And it’s that kind of spirit that people are looking for. People yearn for that type of spirit, not only in business relationships but all relationships. That’s why I’m the free and easy coach.
8. So, sometimes a ‘No or a ‘Maybe’ can be just as good or BETTER than a ‘Yes!’.
9. When you acknowledge a ‘No’, gracefully and thankfully, you are holding a sacred space for someone and honoring the deepest part of the person you’re in relationship with. You are respecting their decision and choosing to keep on loving them.
10. The same is true of a ‘Maybe’. You are giving the person the time and space to change their mind and/or to decide what they really want. And someone the other person isn’t even an external customer, they might be an internal customer like your spouse or child…your mother-in-law or your Uncle. (I bet you never thought of your family as customers! But when I say they’re a customer, we should serve them like they are the most important people on the planet).
11. And the good news is a ‘Maybe’ might become a ‘Yes’. Or even better news (if what we’re proposing is really true), the ‘Maybe’ might become a ‘No’. And a ‘No’ is great, especially a very firm ‘No’, because then you know exactly where the person’s at.
12. So, even if a ‘Maybe’ doesn’t become a ‘Yes’, that’s o.k. (Sit with that awhile if you have to, and let it marinate).
13. So rather than being bummed, celebrate the ‘No’ and ‘Maybe’, just as much as you would a ‘Yes!’.
14. Learn to do this, and you’ll develop a highly and unusual super-power. In fact, this has been an amazing skill for me as a Life Coach, so try it!
15. Some people see a ‘No’ or a ‘Maybe’ as the chance to drop their client like a hot potato if they don’t get a ‘Yes!’.
16. Meanwhile, loving people with huge hearts, especially Coaches and solopreneurs respect the needs and desires of their clients. They respect the clients right to decide for themself based on their needs and preferences. They don’t assume their client must have poor taste or a lack of intelligence.
17. After all, a clients needs and wants come before our own. They take precedence.
18. That’s not only great morally, that’s the way love works. Love is always concerned about others more than it is concerned for itself. Love is patient and kind. Love is the greatest (1 Corinthians 13). Love sacrifices its own wants and desires for the wants and desires of someone else. That’s why your Mom gave you her coat and shivered when you were cold.
19. So, when someone says ‘No’ or ‘Maybe’ and walks away, we have the opportunity to love them even more, not less.
20. And, we continue to love them- even if they never come back. We continue to love them even if they decide to buy a house, or a car, or a coaching package from some one else. If they leave our church and start worshipping down the street, we love them, not as much as we ever did, but MORE.
21. So does that mean we should never care if we get a ‘Yes’. LOL, no!…but wait, then again…maybe!

The Leaders Journey from Humanity to Greatness

1. Like many, maybe you’ve struggled. The River of Greatness lay before you, shrouded in fog.
2. The Homeland of Humanity within felt foreign. Once it had been a Haven of Rest, teeming with Life and Possibilities.
3. But the sights and sounds without had quenched the fire that burned within.
4. You, your craft, the circumstances surrounding you…and the River. It made an Elephant look like an Ant. It howled at night and sparkled by day. They were all separate. There was no rhyme or reason.
5. You thought perhaps Ithaka existed upstream. You imagined her Ivory Towers and streets of gold. At times you heard laughter and were intoxicated by the smell of exotic fabric and fine clothing. The distant people and places consumed your imagination. You imagined the joy and exhilaration of dwelling there.
6. But you’d noticed something. Broken vessels and luggage floated by from time to time on the bosom of the River. It made you wonder if maybe up was actually down and down was up. After all, Letters of Success never arrived via messenger and Ravens flew upstream daily.
7. You had spent years crafting a vessel to knife your way upstream. Now it was too narrow and the River too swift to chance being capsized should you chance floating downstream.
8. So you fashioned a crude raft from logs you cut along the river and lashed them together. It was crude but utilitarian. You’d need no provisions. They were all along the river downstream.
9. You took your family with you. There was plenty of room and you passed the time talking and laying in the sun by day and sleeping beneath the stars at night. Sometimes you ventured along the shore and bushwacked to mountain tops and hidden lagoons.
10. Others on the banks heard your laughter and saw you enjoying each other’s company and put down their hoes and cauldrons and followed.
11. You found the longer you rested, the more you were joined by those who appeared on rafts of their own. One day you found a bow and arrows on shore, another time you found a large diamond in the shallow waters.
12. You laughed with them and shared meals together. The aroma of Fish, Poultry, venison, and vegetables filled the air each night. You passed a stick glazed in honey for dessert and shared ripe berries. You told stories by firelight and gathered each night to listen to the Cicadas and Crickets. At times you wept as a friend shared his heart and sometimes you laughed until your sides hurt.
13. Perhaps Ithaka was more than a destination after all.
14. Maybe the X that marked The Treasure on the map was more than just a destination, perhaps it was an origin.

What if you Changed your Definition of Rejection? (Thoughts after a Missed Coaching Call)

1. Nobody loves feeling rejected.
2. Despite your best efforts there will be times when you are tempted to feel rejected.
3. So what do you do? The feeling of rejection is painful and bound to arise.
4. You can plan ahead.
5. You can change your inner stance.
6. Rejection is only INFORMATION in disguise…valuable information. It reveals nothing about the receiver, only the sender.
7. It’s not even rejection, it’s just highly useful intelligence.
8. This Golden Information gets handled differently in every situation, just as pieces of mail do.
9. It allows you to focus more on what matters. It doesn’t devalue you, it makes YOU more valuable.
10. It allows you to change your approach or strike out into promising territory.
11. Unlike rejection, information sets you free to soar with the Eagles. It releases you like a great song.
12. You are no longer chained to what used to be a need.
13. You’re able to withdraw from the need to please others and be well-liked.
14. It puts you in an elite club with other healthy leaders.
15. Congratulations! Welcome to the Information Club.

10 “Negative” things that Healthy People Receive as Gifts!

1. Judgment– An outside judgment of our performance is helpful. Think like an Olympian.
2. Criticism- Bill Gates built Microsoft by focusing on customer complaints and mining them for gold.
3. Pessimism– Sometimes pessimism is realism in disguise.
4. Fault-finding– When others point out the cracks, we can fix them and avoid earthquake- damage in our lives and organizations.
5. Critiques– Like criticism but more in-depth and substantial. Has the added bonus of recognized strengths.
6. Observations– A free insight to someone else’s reality.
7. Insights– Bonus eureka moments from loved ones, friends and associates.
8. Help– the more we accept it graciously the more powerful and empowering we become.
9. Pain– Sometimes the Dr. has to cut before the healing can begin.
10. Obstacles– No resistance, no growth- plain and simple.


Bonus material
– God gave us 1 mouth and 2 ears for a reason.
– Two sets of eyes are better than one.
– All feedback has the potential to help rather than harm.
– Others help us see our blind spots.
– It’s never too late.

FREE Mini-Book- 21 Ways to Improve Your Life!

Here is a FREE copy of my latest mini-book.

21 Ways to Improve your Life

Introduction

Imagine you are driving down the highway and you look up and see that three lanes of traffic have come to a complete stop!  What do you do?  You are traveling 65 mph and there is no way to stop in time- btw, you are towing a camping trailer!

This actually happened to me the Friday before Labor Day in 2018.  I was on the Mass Pike with my son and our puppy in a cage in the back seat.  Before you feel sorry for me, I already had a couple of strikes against me.  1) my tires were bad and I knew it. 2) the braking system for the camper wasn’t hooked up. 3) I was too busy trying not to miss the exit and was trying to study the map on my phone and drive at the same time.

The moral of the story is?  There are many.  

Life can come at you fast and sometimes you have to make a split-instant decision.  Here are some choices I’ve made that will help you as you travel life’s highway.  They are lessons that I learned from one of the greatest leaders I know.

Chapter 1- Take Action

Chapter 2- Listen

Chapter 3- Divert Daily

Chapter 4- Learn To Be 

Chapter 5- Study Hard

Chapter 6- Dream Often

Chapter 7- Invest In Individuals

Chapter 8- Be Diligent

Chapter 9- Commit, Commit, Commit

Chapter 10- Wean Yourself And Those You Lead

Chapter 11- Build The Plane As You’re Speeding Down The Runway

Chapter 12- Lead Your Family

Chapter 13- If You Love your Life, Love Your Wife (or husband)

Chapter 14- Others!

Chapter 15- Give It away!

Chapter 16- Take a Deep Breath, Stand Up, Push Your Shoulders Back, And Stand Tall!

Chapter 17- Admit Defeat (Once In Every So Often)

Chapter 18- Add Value

Chapter 19- Think Before You Speak

Chapter 20- Presentation Matters

Chapter 21- Love Wholeheartedly

Chapter 22- Bonus!

Chapter 1- Take Action!

‘Truckin’, up to Buffalo

Been thinkin’, you got to mellow slow

It takes time to pick a place to go

And just keep Truckin’ on!’ -BOB WEIR

Leaders don’t deal in generalities, they major in specifics and take action. They choose a destination.

They schedule the appointment.  They follow through.  They love, ie, make the call, carve out time, schedule the repair, spend the money, fix what’s broken, study diligently, say the hard things…

And it’s not a one-time deal.  It’s a way of life.  Their action is the grease that keeps the machinery of life moving.  They’re willing to do the hard things.  They use words and actions.

Time and time again, the leader who taught me about leadership performed acts of service.  It wasn’t about him, he made it about me.  He sacrificed time for me, he listened to me

It reminds me of a story.  I was sitting in a chair at a graduation party and everyone was fixing a plate of food.  My Uncle walked by and said, ‘The food isn’t going to come to you.’

Leaders don’t just sit in their offices and wait for the food to come to them.  They get up and out and search for opportunities to serve others.  Magically, once they’ve served, the food appears.

What action do you need to take today?

Start by maybe just sweeping the floor for your wife.  Do the dishes.  Before you know it, you will see something else that needs to be done and everything around you will begin to change.

Chapter 2- Listen

‘Hello Darkness my old friend’- PAUL SIMON

I used to hate social events.  I really did.  Maybe you do as well.

The number one reason I hated them is I didn’t know what to say!  What if there were important people present?  What if there were people who knew more than me?  What if they weren’t impressed with me or my credentials?  BTW, if you’re the most interesting person in the room, you need to find another room!

So when did that change?  I started getting interested in other people.

I’ve learned that when we stop being impressed with ourselves and start being impressed with others, miracles happen!

I’m not talking about appearing to be impressed.  I’m saying when we’re genuinely impressed!

Once we take the time to listen, it’s amazing what we can learn from others.

It doesn’t matter if they’re in shape or out of shape, short or tall, black or white, male or female.  Every person you meet has the potential to be one of the most amazing humans you’ll ever meet

Last week I meet the owner of a Tequila Company, a financial expert who came from Rome and lives in Manhattan, a published author studying for a month at a nearby writer’s retreat, and others.  The truth is, you never know who you’re talking to until you begin to listen.

Leaders listen.  They’re not impressed with their own credentials and what they know, they love listening and learning from others.

The amazing thing is that the more of an interest you take in others, the more they’re interested in you!

BTW, send me an email at cory macneil@corymacneil.net and tell me a little about yourself!  I’d love to hear from you.

Chapter 3- Divert Daily

‘A spoonful of medicine helps the medicine go down’ -MARY POPPINS THE SOUND OF MUSIC

Perhaps Jack Nicholson’s character summed it up best in Stephen King’s novel ‘The Shining’.  You remember Jack Torrance the aspiring writer and former alcoholic who takes on the position of caretaker at the Overlook Hotel in the Colorado, Rockies, right?

His wife finds pages and pages of writing that say the same thing over and over again, 

‘All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy’.

Leaders should work hard, but they also know how to take a break and divert.

Social media is a good option.  Rather than actually studying it, it’s something you can just glass over and then get back to work.  What’s the point?

Diversions allow your mind and body to relax briefly before getting back to your task.

As Mary Poppins sang, ‘A spoonful of medicine helps the medicine go down!’

Author Rick Warren said it like this, ‘Divert daily.  Withdraw weekly.  And abandon annually.’

Chapter 4- Learn To Be 

“When I find myself in times of trouble

Mother Mary comes to me

Speaking words of wisdom

Let it be.”-PAUL McCARTNEY

Doing nothing is sometimes the hardest thing you can do.

However, being doesn’t mean doing anything.  It can, but not always.

In the words of Yoda, “Train yourself to let go of everything you are afraid to lose.”

Everything you do flows out of who you are being.

The Torah says, “Be still and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.”- Psalm 46:10

If you have to think about what it means to be, then you do not know the first thing about being and until you learn, your personal growth as a leader will be stunted.

As a leader, you must learn to embrace the seeming lack of activity.

In the words of my mentor, sometimes everything moves in slow motion when you’re a leader but that’s o.k.  It’s even o.k to suck at being.

One of the major things my mentor shared with me after a mission trip to Haiti was, “Sometimes you need to focus on being rather than doing.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.  I thought part of going to another country with the gospel meant looking for all kinds of opportunities to teach and preach and demonstrate your superiority as a westerner (yes, I’m exaggerating).

“We went to garbage dumps and kids were playing on the piles of garbage and laughing and smiling,” he said.

Hmmm, I thought, interesting.

It sounded to me that we as westerners might have a lot to learn from ‘poverty-stricken’ kids in ‘third world countries.

None of this would have ever occurred to him if my mentor hadn’t looked for opportunities to be rather than do.  

Chapter 5- Study Hard

“Sometimes peace of mind can only be obtained by knowing that you made the effort to become the best that you are capable of becoming”-ANONYMOUS

If the person you admire has a doctorate degree on the wall behind him and you have the means of acquiring one, why not go for it?

The more you study, the luckier you get.  

Howard Hendricks, an esteemed bible scholar and retired seminary prof (his own name for the profession) told of being younger and passing a professor’s study early every morning.  He saw the guy’s study window illuminated, even on the cold dark days of winter.  When he asked the professor why the lights were on so early every morning, he replied, “Young man, I have learned throughout the years that most people would rather drink from a moving stream, than a stagnant mud puddle.”

How do I know my mentor studies?  The answer is, that every time he talks or spends time with me, I learn something new and exciting.

Study and even study hard from time to time.  That thing in your noggin is a muscle, just like every other muscle in your body, and the more you use it, the stronger it grows!

If you’re going to be an exceptional leader that stands out in a crowd, you need to be studying the BIG picture, you need to study where people are hurting, you need to study the questions nobody else is asking and read the books nobody else is reading. 

The best time to start studying hard was twenty years ago.  The second best time is today!

Chapter 6- Dream Often

“Dream, dream, dream…whenever I want you, all I have to do is dream.”-EVERLY BROTHERS

My mentor once asked this question while speaking in front of hundreds of people.  He pretended he was using his hand to wipe the dust off from a book in his other hand.   Over and over again, he dusted off the invisible book.  Then he asked, “When is the last time you dusted off your dream?”

Powerful!

Many people wonder why others are so successful, but fail to realize that every dream that comes true, started out like a dream.  The dreamer saw it in their mind.  They imagined what could and should be.  They could see the dream crystal clear before it ever happened.  

“This is all a dream we dreamed one afternoon long ago…” -PHIL LESH (BASS PLAYER FOR THE GRATEFUL DEAD

One of the greatest things about dreaming is that it doesn’t cost anything on the front end.  That means it’s FREE.  Sure, it will cost you on the back end, but that’s beside the point.  

The minute you stop dreaming, your future starts dying.

My pastor always said, “We never rise above our prayer life.”  Some people may not agree, but I do know this…dreaming is a lost art form.

Life moves fast and it can be challenging to make time for it.  Besides, who wants to be called a daydreamer.  

There was a kid in the Bible named Joseph (his name means fruitful) and his brothers mocked him and called him ‘Daydreamer’.  They thought they were doing him an injustice, but I can’t stop and wonder if they shaped his destiny.  After all, he was a daydreamer and while his brothers could look no further than the daily life of being farmers, Joseph was always peering into the future.

Did it pay off?  It sure did!  Many times over.  Eventually, he rose to power over all of Egypt and became very wealthy.

Call it what you want, daydreaming, meditation, thinking, it’s powerful stuff.  And like I said, it’s absolutely FREE upfront.  You can have it with bad credit and no money down, so what are you waiting for?

What is your dream?  Who or what is stopping you from chasing it?

Chapter 7- Invest In Individuals

“Here is a boy with five small barley loaves and two small fish, but how far will they go among so many?”- JOHN THE APOSTLE

I was spending time with a friend and his three young sons and the youngest and I ended up lagging behind the pack.  Actually, I lagged, because he was lagging.  His Dad had said how everyone enjoyed spending time with the young boy because they always learned something.

As we walked, I said, “YOU have the best Dad in the whole wide world.”

“Sometimes,” the small boy said.

“What do you mean,” I asked.

“Well, sometimes when I’m trying to sleep, he yells at Mommy and I get mad,” he said.

Hmmm! I thought to myself.  Sounds like me sometimes when I get mad or I’m frustrated with my wife.

Like they say, ‘Straight out of the mouths of infants!’

Up until that time, I had never really thought about how my lack of patience and anger might be affecting my children.  Sure, I already imagined my wife wasn’t too happy with it.  BTW, she’s yelled at me before too.  And if you’ve been married any amount of time, you know as well as I do that we are all entitled to a good argument from time to time.  

The point is, that we often think we’re doing something great when we invest in others, and we are…I’m not denying that.  But the real point is that when we invest in others, there’s always a payout.  It might not come in dollars and cents, but there’s a payout.  

Right then and there, on that path out of the woods, I decided a change was necessary and I took the steps to initiate that change and it’s paying off in spades.

The other point is that if you wait until you’re perfect to start investing in others, you shouldn’t.  Every day you come into contact with people you can invest in.  It might mean opening a door for them, complimenting them about their shoes or hat, a smile on a rainy day.  You never know how much one small intentional act of kindness can make a difference.

But one of the greatest ways to transform someone’s life is to invest in them for the long haul.  Stay with them through thick and thin.  Love them when they are unloveable.  

Aren’t you glad people did that for you?

Chapter 8- Be Diligent

“Your direct actions, not your thoughts, determine your destination.”

-AUTHOR ANDY STANLEY ‘THE PRINCIPLE OF THE PATH’

This segues nicely from the last chapter.

Imagine getting in the car in NY and typing an address in Florida into your GPS.  It’s a great start.  But what’s going to make it happen.  The answer is simple, you have to stay on course.

The number one reason I never experienced any real achievements in life before being coached, is because I was a quitter.  And in the words of my friend, “The problem with quitting is that it turns you into a quitter.  I’ll add to that “winners never quit and quitters never win.”

While that sounds harsh, it’s a powerful seed if you want to succeed and have accomplishments that you can relish.

Imagine celebrating your 50th wedding anniversary.  You won’t if you quit.

Imagine watching your organization grow and prosper.  It’s going to take diligence.

There will be plenty of people and circumstances to divert you from reaching your destination.

Why don’t you tie your hand to the mast right now?

Start the 401k and plan on committing to it.

Decide to be a better Mom or Dad and persist, especially when it seems fruitless.

If at first, you don’t succeed, try and try again.

Author and Bible scholar Eugene Peterson said it this way, “Young people would come to me for advice and I’d ask them have you tried this?”  Then I would give them a solution to their problem.

“Oh, yes,” they’d say, “I’ve tried that.”

“How many times?” I’d ask them.

“Oh yes, I’ve tried it many times.”

“O.K,” I’d tell them, “Let me tell you a story.  I sat on my dock one day and watched a Kingfisher dive and miss twenty-one times before he caught a fish.  Twenty-one times!”, I’d say.  Then I’d follow up with this question, “Have you tried twenty-one times?”

How about you, you say you’ve tried working on your marriage.  Maybe you’ve tried growing and leading your organization or working on your relationship with your son or daughter.  But my question to you is, “Have you tried twenty-one times?”

Chapter 9- Commit, Commit, Commit

“Take me out to the ball game

Take me out with the crowd

I don’t care if I ever come back

Buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jack”

-JACK NORWITH TAKE ME OUT TO THE BALLGAME

Recently I spent some time fishing with my mentor and picked up on something.  He wears a NY Yankees baseball cap.  I didn’t even have to ask him why he wears it because I already know the answer.

He wears it because he founded a church in NY in 2003 but he’s from South Carolina.  Make sense?

He wears the hat not only because he loves the team and the people of NY, but he also wears it because he has no plans of going back to South Carolina.  Why because he is committed and the baseball hat he wears, like the wedding band he wears for his wife, is a symbol of his commitment.  

“If you ever plan on moving,” he told me years ago, “don’t share your plan until you’re ready to commit.  Otherwise, you will lose friends left and right.  Nobody wants to invest in anything— a friendship included—that has a limited future.

Commitment is a POWERFUL word.

It’s actually been my word this year.  The more I studied the greatest leaders, this word kept popping up.  Another leader long ago taught me that ‘Leaders speak the same language’, so I tuned in when I started hearing it left, right and center.

Commitment will take you places beyond your wildest dreams.

Commitment is rocket fuel for your dream, especially when you encounter obstacles.

Commitment will make you stand out from the crowd.

Commitment will fill your trophy room with trophies.

Commitment forces you to submit and enter a realm of freedom you’ve never experienced before.

 “But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” ISAIAH 40:31

Chapter 10- Wean Yourself And Those You Lead

“But I have calmed and quieted myself,

I am like a weaned child with its mother;

Like a weaned child I am content.

KING DAVID PSALM 131:2

There’s no baby cuter than the church baby!

That means the youngest baby in the church is usually considered to be the cutest.  But a problem arises if the baby never grows up and some of them never do!

For example, if someone was eighty years old but had never advanced behind having the mind of a baby, we would say there’s a problem.

Not only is it a problem, it’s a MAJOR problem in many organizations.  Individuals, as well as teams, never mature or grow up.  Their organization is like a carousel that just keeps going around in circles year after year.

My mentor’s motto has always been, “Growth is outside of your comfort zone!”

To illustrate, draw a circle on a sheet of blank paper and put a dot in the middle of the circle.  That dot is you and everything inside of that circle is what you know and what you are comfortable with.  Everything you’d like to have is going to take discomfort and lie outside of the circle!

David knew this.  No doubt, he had watched mothers wean their Lambs out in the fields throughout the years and applied his knowledge, and left us with these words of wisdom.  

I’ve seen puppies who still go for the nipple from time to time and the mother has a way of putting them in their place real quick.

People on the other hand often get away with murder when it comes to this necessary development.  It begins in the home with overprotective parents who let their fifty-three-year-old kid live in the basement and manifests itself in leaders as well as the organizations they lead.

As a result, the leader or organization can never progress because they are constantly doting on those who crave their immediate attention and care.  Some leaders actually prefer this because it gives them a sense of power and allows them to be the Guru.  Guru or no guru, you can’t grow gurus unless you are a guru yourself in this area.

Not every text, phone call, or email, demands an immediate answer.  Once the people you lead realize this, they can begin to wean themselves from their addiction to you and the security you offer.  Sounds cold, I know.  But it’s genius and actually constitutes real love.  If I love you, I am willing to teach you difficult and uncomfortable lessons if it means that you’ll reach your full potential.  The surprising fact is that while it is often assumed that successful leaders are push-overs, they are not!  Far from the case.  

But what did your two-year-old always say when you corrected them or ignored their tantrums? They would say, “YOU DON’T LOVE ME!  IF YOU LOVED ME, YOU’D GIVE ME THE CANDY BAR!  I WANT THE CANDY BAR!  WAWAWA!!!!”.

You might not cry for a candy bar, but there are times when you’re impatient in life and want your way, yesterday.  That’s the Burger King generation.  That generation believes they can have as much as they want whenever they want it.  Leaders are different.

Leaders love those they lead by teaching them to wean themselves.  Once this is accomplished, the sky is the limit for you, them, and the organization itself.

Chapter 11- Build The Plane As You’re Barreling Down The Runway

“All I leave behind me is only what I’ve found.”

– ROBERT HUNTER (LYRICIST)

You’ve never experienced the things you’re experiencing today at this time and age.  Nobody has.  It’s called the present for a reason.  You can study and plan all you want, but eventually, the rubber has to hit the road.

This, however, shouldn’t stop you from saying yes to things you’ve never done before.

Until you learn to take risks, become an early adaptor, and embrace change, your leadership will never be cutting edge.  Nor will your life.  Of course, as a Christian thought leader, this should all be done within moral and ethical confines…that goes without saying.

The leader I have in mind met with me and designed a program to coach me.  I’m not sure he had done that before, but it was a glowing success and he gave it his all.  Not only that, it was customized to my needs and goals.  What did he do?  He built the plane while it was barreling down the runway.

The book you are holding in your hands is no different.  I stumbled upon this approach after reading another ‘mini ebook’ another author had written.  Now I’m in love!  It is designed to provide condensed, valuable, information in a pint-sized volume.  

Gone are the days when people want to read an encyclopedia.  That being the case, there are still a lot of people -especially people who are going places- who love the idea of devouring highly valuable information in one setting.

None of this would have happened unless I decided to build the plane while it is barreling down the runway.

What product or idea could you implement quickly that your friends and clients are dying for?  What are you waiting for?

The journey to the market begins today.  The longer you fail to implement your idea or product, the longer you delay gratification in the form of accomplishment and dollars. Think Beta.  Get it done!  Start experimenting today.  Call it an experiment or a rough draft.  Chances are it may be crumby, but it’s a start, and as I’ve always said 99% of success is starting.  “Once begun, half done!’

Chapter 12- Lead Your Family

“And God said to Jonah, Doest thou well to be angry for the gourd?  And he said I do well to be angry, even unto death.” THE BOOK OF JONAH 4:9

As a paid preacher and public speaker who has spoken on a weekly basis for many many years, I’ve always had the goal of preaching a message that so thoroughly demanded immediate action and implementation that people got up and went out to do it!  

If I talk about loving others, and they get up and leave to bake their neighbor a cake, that would be a success!  You get the idea.

But after reading God’s sermon to Jonah, I now have another dream.  One day I will stand up, and read a short text.  Say one sentence.  Then sit down.  The problem is at $800.00 an hour, I’m not so sure how well it would be received.  

God is the highest-paid public and motivational speaker/preacher in the world, and he didn’t care one bit what anyone thought of his short sermon.  He preached it, sat back down, and waited for an answer.

Leaders love their families. I often wondered how men could love their families, especially over-taxed, burdened leaders of large organizations and networks.  Despite the heat, pressure, and heartaches, they labor on weathering the storms of life.  How do they do it?

What I have found is they are not angry and they confess buried anger.  Until anger is yanked up by the roots, it will destroy all of your relationships, especially between you and those closest to you.  

Anger is the weed and the weed is you.  And change begins when you acknowledge your anger and confess it.  Get rid of the weed and the plants around it begin to flourish.  

For years I had anger- both repressed and expressed- and it sucked all of the life out of me and those I loved most.  First, I owned my sinful anger. 2) I took steps to confess it and overcome it. 3) I experienced victory and the joy that comes from being in a thriving relationship.  As long as anger remains an option, you risk tearing down everything you’ve worked to build.  Your weed will wither right before your eyes, the first time you find yourself in scorching weather.

So if you’re angry, it’s sin and you need to confess it.  If you think reading another book or attending a conference is going to heal you and your family you’re out of your ever-loving mind.

So here’s the text, “Doest thou well to be angry for the gourd?” And here’s my sermon, “STOP!  Now send me the $800.00 if this helps.  I’m going to sit down now.

Chapter 13- If You Love Your Life, Love Your Wife (or Husband)

“A happy wife is a happy life!”- ANONYMOUS (Maybe the biblical character Job? LOL!)

Let me go out on a limb and take a guess.  Before you got married, you thought your wife (or husband) was perfect, but now you know different.  LOL!  Me too.

But if you’re like me, you’ve also discovered that you’re not perfect.

The leaders and happy people in your life and mine are perfectly imperfect.

Until you can admit you are imperfect, your pride and ego will tell you otherwise.

I know awesome humans who have really awesome marriages and some of their spouses are BEARS!

Never ever forget that your spouse- like all humans- is a bundle of strengths and weaknesses!  In order to thrive, you’re going to have to embrace their strengths and their weaknesses.

Remember Nathanial Hawthorne’s short story ‘The Birthmark’.  If you haven’t read it, the main character’s wife was astonishingly beautiful by all looks and appearances, however, she was flawed in the eyes of her husband due to a birthmark.  Sound familiar?

Well, they had the birthmark removed and you can only guess what happened.  And even if you were to remove your spouse’s birthmark, the scar might be even uglier than the imperfection and you’d suffer even more having to look at that for the rest of your life.

Gary Chapman’s book the ‘5 Love Languages’ might help.

He argues that our spouses speak different languages and until you learn their language, you’re at a disadvantage.  Here they are, not in a particular order.  Some spouses may require that you become bi or trilingual!

  1. Words of affirmation
  2. Acts of service
  3. Gifts
  4. Time
  5. Touch

Wow!  That was easy right.  

The truth is your life will never be all that it could or should be until you work on your marriage.  Trust me, I know!

Chapter 14- Others!

Others!”-THE LAST WORDS OF WILLIAM BOOTH THE FOUNDER OF THE SALVATION ARMY

While this principle may be self-explanatory, here are some thoughts.

Jesus summed up the message of the law and the prophets in one word, ‘LOVE’.

Love God and others.

If you love God and your neighbor, you will not sleep with their husband or wife.

If you love God and your neighbor, you will not steal their land by erecting a fence that crosses the property line.

Need I say more.

The only life worth living is an examined life.  How do we examine our lives and see if we’re loving God and people?  Start by looking at two books- your pocketbook and your checkbook.

Chapter 15- Give It Away!

“Cast your bread upon the waters, for after many days you will find it again.”- THE BOOK OF ECCLESIASTES 11:1

None of us like to take perfectly good bread and make it soggy, especially if we cannot see how there will ever be a payoff, but sometimes that’s what is necessary.

Doubt says, “Do that and you’ll never see it again.”

Worry says, “I’m not so sure I’d do that if I were you?”

Fear says, “What if you run out.”

And God says, “You will find it again! Cast it upon the waters.”

Sometimes the best answers to the challenges you face are counter-intuitive.

Uncommon sense goes against the grain.  It’s like a Salmon, rather than go with the flow, it swims upstream.  Someone once said that wisdom means doing the exact opposite of what the crowd is doing.  In most cases, the crowd is getting all they can, canning all they get, and sitting on the can!  

Ironically, those who can the most are usually the most lacking in friends and resources.  The problem is they’re always focused on getting just enough for themselves and their family rather than getting more than they need so that they can bless others.  They’ve hobbled by the myths they learned as children- money doesn’t grow on trees, there’s a recession, money doesn’t come easy, a dollar saved is a dollar earned.  

Sometimes you have to be like someone who feeds duck or fish and just cast perfectly good bread upon the waters.

Large, loving human beings are not afraid to give it away for FREE!

Just recently, I saw a YouTube video where a kid that owns a lawn maintenance company drives around town and volunteers to whip people’s overgrown, neglected, lawns back into shape.  It’s no rush job either.  He supplies all of the fuel, equipment, blood, sweat, and tears and does the job as if he’s getting paid for it.  In some cases, the people he works for avoid a fine from the town.  Now, who do you think they’re going to go to if they ever decide to hire someone?

The same goes for your business.  What can you give away?  Cast your bread upon the waters…provide FREE service initially with no expectation or hope of never receiving a dime and see what happens.  But remember, there’s a good chance it will come back!

At the end of the day, you will find that you can’t out-give God.  It’s all His, so why not share it?  All of the creature comforts in the world cannot replace the feeling of giving freely from a place of love and joy.  

Sometimes, money takes second place to a smile, a tear, or a home put back together because someone took the time to practice the ‘Golden Rule’ of treating others the way they would like to be treated themselves if they were in the same boat.

Jesus spent time with sinners and in many cases, he never received a dime and He was the richest man who ever lived!

It’s not all about what’s in the bank, but what’s in your tank and if your tank has been filled with the love of God, it’s going to naturally overflow.  But relax, there’s plenty where that came from!  

Cast your bread upon the waters and thou shalt find it after many days.

Chapter 16- Take A Deep Breath, Stand Up, Push Your Shoulders Back, And Stand Tall!


“You gotta give and live right

Love the Lord your God with all your might

And when it all

Has got you backed up against the wall

You won’t fall

When you stand tall!” 

RON BAKER JR. SONG- STAND TALL

One thing I always loved about my mentor is the fact that he always pushes his shoulders back and stands tall, especially in the face of adversity.

Isn’t that what we all want in a leader?

I don’t know about you but I can’t follow a wishy-washy leader who melts like toast when you soak it in milk. Lol.

Your tribe wants to not only use your vocabulary they want to walk the way you walk.  Teach them.  Model.  Walk the talk and talk the walk.  Love in word and deed and that all begins by loving your God enough to know that He’s got your back and you can stand tall.  You should be proud of your lineage because it goes all the way back to Him!

This is where it gets a bit painful.

I was watching a YouTube video and the guy was interviewing two brothers from Appalachia who were senior citizens.  By their own admittance, they had both dropped out of grade school and the only jobs they had ever had were what little work they could get mowing lawns.  However, just like the kids from the garbage dumps in Haiti, they were beautiful and graceful men who wore their scars as only someone who is proud of their heritage can.  Despite their setbacks, neither one of them had ever ventured outside of their community and essentially the only life they knew was the one they had lived.  Everyone in their community was in the same boat.

After sharing their past and smiling throughout the whole interview, the interviewer asked the oldest one a question.  He had clearly already interviewed them beforehand and already knew the answer.  So he may have been prepared for the answer, but I was not.

“Your sister was your mother, wasn’t she?”, he asked the older man!

And without missing a beat, the older man with white hair and glasses answered, “Yes,” he said, “that’s true, my older sister was my mother.”

Tears rolled down my cheeks and I just about broke down.

“How can I push my shoulders back and stand tall?”, you might ask yourself in your darkest hour.

Well, if he can, why can’t we?  

Whoever said life is fair, was wrong.  Life is not fair, but life is beautiful.  Just like anyone else, you can change. It doesn’t matter where you’ve come from (don’t take that wrong, it matters to God and in the annals of time), but the truth is you can go through this world with a victim mindset or you can see the futility of that stance and change it.  

Take a deep breath, stand up, push your shoulders back, and stand tall!

You’re a child of the King!

Chapter 17- Admit Defeat (Once In Awhile)

“All the things I did I only did halfway

Tomorrow will be Sunday born of rainy Saturday

Come again

Walking along in the Mission in the rain.” 

JERRY GARCIA SONG ‘MISSION IN THE RAIN’

Everyone knew what a skunk smelled like, except my son Elijah.  He was two years old at the time and riding in the car when a strong smell he had never smelled began to permeate the mini-van and his young, untrained nostrils.

“What’s that burning smell?”, he asked.

“It’s a Skunk!”, my wife answered.

“Who’s burning a skunk?” He asked.

Aren’t kids awesome?!

While most kids know what a dead Skunk smells like, Elijah didn’t.

Most adults, on the other hand, can smell a Skunk a mile away!

If you never admit to a single mistake, people will smell you from a mile away and know what you really are- a skunk! LOL.

That’s not to say that you should admire the fact that you’re constantly making mistakes, it only means that you should own them when you do.  Taking it a step farther, never be afraid to tell people ‘I don’t know.’  However, don’t leave them there.  If it’s your responsibility to know, tell them you’ll find them the answer.

I don’t know how much it cost Toyota when they admitted there were issues with some of the frames on their trucks but when they owned the problem and stood behind the vehicles it made me want to buy one.  All these years later, they are still going strong!  We stand and salute them!

But more than mistakes, the people in my life that I admire most are the ones who are willing to admit defeat.  They take their stripes gracefully.  They smile when it’s time to shake hands with the team and the players and coach that beat them.  They give the respect they would want if the tables were turned.

Earlier on, we said that ‘quitters always quit and quitters never win’ but in reality, sometimes quitting is the only option.  If you have to operate outside of God’s grace and blessing and you’re only getting thrown up against the wall and battered, you might want to quit.

Just be careful that you don’t revisit the site of the battle and ensuing defeat too often.  Yes, it’s great to reflect and yes some of life’s greatest lessons are the most expensive but it’s also true that doing so can be like taking a ‘downer’.  

Alcohol for instance is a downer.  So is Morphine.  Why do people take them?  Because they offer a form of temporary escape, but always leave you wanting more.  

While successful people are quick to acknowledge their failures, they do not ruminate on them.

Chapter 18- Add Value

“Yes…but does it work?” STEVE JOBS

TALKING WITH HIS TEAM

Someone once said the score isn’t official unless real dollars are added to the kitty.

You can say you feel better or note that you are experiencing benefits beyond your wildest dreams but most people want proof…the skeptics anyways.

So how do you measure real value?  

We count numbers because numbers matter.  

But just because something is immeasurable, it doesn’t mean that it has no value.  How do you put a value on a doctor’s report that declares you cancer-free?  How do you put a price tag on the fact that you spoke and the prodigal son went home to his Dad?

While some things may be difficult to measure, we do get clues.  

When people start lining up to experience your presence and your products, hint, hint.

When you begin to get in the flow and things begin to transform in and around you, hint, hint.

The question is how do you provide value?  The answer is sometimes you really don’t know.  Rather than getting hung up on what it looks like, maybe it’s better to just strive for that quality in what you do and say.  When you hit the mark, it will be obvious and chances are it will happen when you least expect it.  

The minute you pride yourself on being able to do something, I think your odds go down quickly.  Yes, you should be confident and expectant but just remember all of this equipment we’re walking around in (our bodies) are on loan.  We’d like to think we own them, but the truth is we only get to borrow them.  At the end of the day, all the pieces go back inside the box, so why not make the most of them every day by using them to bless as many people as we can!

Whatever you do, add value!

Chapter 19- Think Before You Speak

“What’s the frequency, Kenneth? Is your Benzedrine, uh-huh

I was brain-dead, locked out, numb, not up to speed

I thought I’d pegged you as an idiot’s dream

Tunnel vision from the outsider’s screen”

R.E.M SONG: WHAT’S THE FREQUENCY KENNETH

After seminary, I used to regularly spend thirty hours a week preparing to preach!

Things have changed, but I think it’s still important to prepare, the only difference now is I have muscles that took years to develop and don’t have to work as hard.  But I still have to work, just differently.  

When it comes to working and living, the words you use are vital.  In fact, I believe that the quality of the words that you write and speak determines the quality of your life!  Let that sink in a moment.

You can use your words to kill time or fill in a space, or you can use them to shape the world you live in and the world of those around you.  Every time you open your mouth you are either building or tearing something apart.  

You can use words to create and/or you can use your words to destroy, the choice is yours.

Have you ever thought about how wonderful it is to be able to use the gift of language? 

How can you use your words to make money or better the world?

Chapter 20- Presentation Matters

“I wandered lonely as a cloud

That floats on high o’er vales and hills, 

When all at once I saw a crowd,

A host of golden daffodils;

Beside the lake, beneath the trees, 

Fluttering and dancing in the breeze…

William Wordsworth 

‘I WANDERED LONELY AS A CLOUD’

They say we just dress for the job we want, not the job we have. But if you showed up for work not wearing the company uniform.  Your boss would probably fire you.  I rest my case, presentation matters.

It’s not always what you say but how you say it.  Change the words around and sometimes you have a better thought.  To say it better, a change of phrase can make all the difference in life.

Then there’s tone.  You can say the nicest words in the world but if there’s the slightest hint of tone, forget it.  Your friends and loved ones will rebel.

The same goes for environments.  People gravitate toward nice places and avoid dungeons.  Given the chance, if they can afford it they will even walk past good to arrive at better.  You’d better believe that if I have the money I’m going to stay at the Hilton rather than the Econolodge!

My mentor spoke of a time when the best presentation available to him was homely but he made the best of it and kept improving until he was able to do better.  Today he’s still aiming for ‘perfection’.  “Aim for the moon”, he’d say, “if you fall short, you’ll still hit a star!

The truth is, while God looks at our hearts, our neighbors can’t look beyond outward appearances.  It doesn’t matter if you’re  the nicest guy or gal in the world, people will judge you based on appearances.  That’s the nature of the beast.  

Don’t get discouraged or give up.  And no matter what you do, try as you might, at the end of the day you will not be everybody’s cup of tea.  But…you can be someone’s cup of tea, right?

Go look in the mirror and repeat this sentence, “I am not for everyone!” That’s powerful, isn’t it?  You are not for everyone, implies that you belong to someone! And if you have someone who values and treasures you, you are golden! However, presentation still matters.

Chapter 21- Love Wholeheartedly

“I’ve looked at love from both sides now

From give and take and still somehow

It’s love’s illusions I recall

I really don’t know love

Really don’t know love at all” 

JONI MITCHELL

CLOUDS

It might just be my dream but my greatest dream is to know and be known.

The longer I try to love, the more I feel there is to learn.  Maybe you feel the same way.

Love is not the easiest way, but it’s the best way and it’ll get the job done every time.

If you want to be remembered for one thing, be remembered for loving.

I want my stone to read, ‘He loved God and others’.  That’s it.  Nothing more and nothing less.

As Angela Mayou once said, “Most people will never remember what you said, but they will remember how you made them feel.”  I don’t know about you, but I want people to feel great when they’re around me.  I bet you do too or else you wouldn’t have gotten this far through this book.

What a grand gift life really is.  I’ve been visiting the gravesite of my Mom and her parents recently and each time, I’ve walked away reminded just how good it is to be on this side of the grass!  While their lives and love still speak volumes, the difference is I still have the sacred ability to do so at will.  Each day I have the choice to make my life and the lives of others heaven or a living hell.  It’s my hope to make it a heaven.

But back to you…What would happen if you thought of your life as a miracle from this day forward and decided that your job is to be a miracle worker in your own life and the lives of others.

I truly believe you can be a miracle and a miracle worker and that’s why I’ve written this book.  Now go out and write your own book.  

“Cast your bread upon the waters and you will find it after many days!”

Chapter 22- Bonus!

Here are two chapters from my new mini-book How to Create a Valuable Business.

Introduction

Plain and simple, you are not everyone’s cup of coffee.  You can serve to your best ability with all of you heart, soul and mind.  Some people just don’t like coffee.  Chances are you didn’t even like it the first time you tasted it.  And even if you serve them the best cup in town, they will disapprove.  However, that doesn’t mean you need to get out of the coffee business.  Business can be challenging, but the rewards can also be out of this world.

Chapter 1- The True Test of Service

You don’t have to guess if you are providing a valuable service.  Just check your bank account.  Better yet, take a look around you.  Are your needs being met and maybe even some of your wants?  Then chances are you are providing value.

Take a glance around you.  Look at the abundance of the sky, and trees.  Woody Guthrie said it best, ‘This land was made for you and me.’  You are blessed.

Losing one customer is not going to put you out of business.  You can choose to get better or bitter.  A setback should never discourage you from creating the best that you can.

In fact, we may never be more like God than when we create.  He is The Creator, and we are made in his image!  Our job is not to focus on our needs, He has that covered.  Our task is to focus on creating.  And not just creating, but creating to the best of our ability.

Chapter 2- Don’t wait!

Maybe you’re interested in creating, but you are waiting until you perfect your product or service.  Don’t.  Test your beta version.  Build the plane as you blast down the runway.  If you’re a writer, write a crummy first draft.  If you’re a speaker or coach begin your ten thousand-hour journey to mastery today!

Perfection is the enemy of production.  

Perfection paralyzes us from starting.

Perfection means different things to different people.

What can you create today?  If you make it available on the internet, you instantly have a product or service that has the potential to produce income for the rest of your lifetime.  Maybe it’s an ebook or an audiobook.  Maybe it’s coaching or consulting.  A webinar or video.  A Youtube channel.

Whatever you do, K.I.S. (Keep It Simple).  Especially when offering your services.  In the “old days” people chose their own names.  If you built houses you called yourself John Carpenter.  If you ground corn or wheat, you were Joe Miller.  I drove past a sign today.  It was simply a hand-written sign with an arrow that read ‘Hay for Sale.’

Use your imagination, but here are some examples of business names.  Jack’s Plumbing.  Paul’s Landscaping.  Terry’s Painting.

Here are some bad business names.  Imaginative Solutions.  Infinity and Beyond.  Cecil’s.  These names tell potential customers nothing whatsoever about the products and services being offered.

What would be a good name for your company?

Final Thoughts

What do you do when you look up at glowing red tail lights and three lanes of cars are at a dead stand-still?

I don’t know, but I can tell you what I did.

Somehow, I evaluated the situation quickly and decided since there was no stopping, I had to glance real quick in the rearview mirror to see if I was taking anyone out behind me and swerve right to avoid the stopped traffic!  And that’s what I did.

The rest is a miracle.  As I hit the brakes, all of the tires screamed and it was like being on ice.  The trailer instantly jack-knifed but fortunately, it followed the truck.  There’s nothing like traveling 65 mph with tons of weight driving you toward huge trees!

And just like that, we stopped instantly.

By God’s grace, the truck took out the guardrail but the end of the guardrail managed to catch the corner of the frame on the trailer!  Praise God!  Had the guardrail not stopped the trailer, we would have smashed into trees at 65 MPH!

Although we came to an instant stop, we were alive and nobody- dog included, was injured!  The truck was totaled and that’s a whole other story.  We just never know what a new day holds.  It’s good to be alive!

P.S: If you want to read more of my books, you can find them on Amazon.com.

P.S: There’s also a blog with over 100 articles on corymacneil.net

P.S.S: Finally, if you’re interested in taking your life to a whole new level, you can reach me at corymacneil@corymacneil.net

FREE Mini Ebook! How to Make New Friends and Clients!

Here’s a FREE Mini Ebook I wrote recently! Enjoy!

How to Make New Friends and Clients!

Introduction

“In the beginning…” Genesis 1:1

The genesis of this book may have began a few years back when I met a guy at Starbucks.  I was studying at an out door table on the patio and he was by himself having a drink as well.  Somewhere along the way, we started talking.

He told me he was a contractor, so I asked him how he gets new clients, since I imagined that can be a challenge for many people.  

“Easy”, he said, “like this.”

“I don’t follow,” I said.

“I talk with people.  I might ask them if they have a vacation this year (in retrospect, what a great way to pre-qualify someone- chances are if they can afford a vacation, they can afford home repairs), and go from there.  Eventually the topic of ‘what I do’ comes up and I tell them.”

While I thought that was a pretty smart approach at the time, the genius of it has just began to dawn on me this past year.

The same can be applied to making new friends.  You cannot make new friends if you never position yourself to make new friends!  Simple right?  But kinda revolutionary at the same time.

So in these few short chapters, let’s talk about this some more.  While you’re at it, I challenge you to write a short book of your own and share it with your friends!  Don’t worry about what anyone is going to think.  Just write it.  Make it plain.  Just go with the flow.  Don’t worry about how good it is.  Type it out and push send!  Blessings! Cory

Chapter 1- Meet People Where they Hurt

“I’m older now but still runnin’ against the wind.”BOB SEGER Against the Wind

The people you are trying to reach are just like you- they are in pain!

While you may be healed of the pain inflicting them at this moment, they are waiting for your cure.  You are the doctor.  You possess the solution, serum, cure…they need.

One of the number one pains right now- post pandemic aside- is connection.  That’s right.  They were lonely before the prescribed isolation and now they are even lonelier.  If you don’t believe me, think about how nice it is to see people’s faces again and having the capacity to fully communicate through facial expressions rather than Zoom, Skype, FaceTime, phone, etc.

But more than another pretty face, they have specific needs.  They want answers to the questions keeping them up at night.  They want to ‘do better’.  The list goes on and on.  But the biggest thing they are interested in is someone who treats them well.  Someone who loves them- warts and failures included.  Someone who will listen and be more concerned with what they have to say.  Someone who gets them and cares for them.  Someone who doesn’t run for the hills when they reveal their greatest fears and failures.

The Golden Rule is ‘Treat others the way you would want to be treated’.  

The miracle is that you never really know who you’re talking to until you strike up a conversation and listen.  On a daily basis, I assure you that if you’ll start talking to others and be more interested in them than you are yourself, your whole world will change.  Everyday, commonplace life will be replaced with a life of wonder and vitality.  You will actually begin to perk up your radar and be on the lookout for miraculous connections.  In watering other people, just as you’d water plants, you will be watered!

Can it be used for bad?  YES!  Just like any other powerful principle, it can be used to do harm.  But remember, the goal is to treat others the way you would want to be treated.  So what is the answer?

Be the friend or business owner who reduces your friend and client’s pain, rather than adding to it.

Chapter 2– Be the Catalyst for Change

“Sometimes I sit and think and sometimes I just sit.” -SATCHEL PAGE American Professional Baseball Player

My Grandfather was a farmer.  When he died, someone walked by the Funeral Home and asked if the Mayor had died.  Why?  Because he was well-loved.  He was literally that guy who would give you the shirt off his back.

All my life I wondered how he performed the miracles that he did.  In his presence, you were loved, affirmed.  It was powerful!  He was one of the most approachable people I’ve ever known.  He’d work all day on the farm than load up a rowboat in his pick-up and take us fishing.

He was genuine.  

Ancient sculptors used wax to hide blemishes in their works.  You wouldn’t know it until they were exposed to heat. He had no wax!

The reason he was able to do what he did is because it flowed out of who he was.  He was authentic.  He didn’t have to pretend.  It was his nature.

That’s how we avoid using the Golden Rule to help others rather than hurt them.  We keep their best interests in mind…and we operate from a place of value.  

The goal is not just to make new friends or clients.  The goal is to enhance the lives of others.  To be fruitful and multiply!  To father a tribe of like-minded individuals.  To meet people where they’re at and give them the keys to the Kingdom.  Imagine a world where we all looked out for each other and cherished opportunities to be a blessing to one another.

Some of them won’t buy what your selling (friendship or business wise) even if it’s the best thing for them!  It’s called cognitive dissonance.  Without getting into all of the psychology of it, they are pre-programmed to disbelieve the truth due to their family of origin, demographics, upbringing, negative experiences…In some cases you can actually talk to them until you’re blue in the face and it won’t make a difference, unless…

I’m glad that my own lack of understanding, immaturity, blindness, etc. were no obstacles to my Grandfather.  It took awhile, but eventually I came to understand  what he was trying to teach and model and you can do the same.

Chapter 3- Your Newfound Superpower

“Pebbles and marbles like words from a friend

Make us hold tight but are lost in the end

When we’re alone we all seem to tend

If we find a marble in the dust

To wish someone left it for us”- PHISH (The band)

Do you believe in ghosts?  Lol.  It’s a new term for me, but most of us have been getting ghosted all of our lives and just didn’t have a word for it.  You get ghosted when someone seems like they want to connect but then they disappear…they don’t accept your calls, your emails go unanswered as well as your texts.  Before you jump to conclusions, you have to remember that life is really complex these days.  We used to do life on a daily basis in a pond but now it’s an ocean…technology has made it so that our worlds have gotten a lot bigger.

So what’s the newfound superpower?  Empathy.

Remember, it’s not new at all, we’ve already talked about it- it’s the Golden Rule.  

People may not be necessarily ghosting you…they may just be distracted, forgetful, trying to take care of their family, paying their bills, trying to stay ahead of the eight ball, or…yes, they may be ghosting you.

Here’s the rub.  If you know what you have to offer is of value- be it friendship or a product or service, there’s something you can do.

Don’t give up!  Keep adding value.  Specific value.  It might be an article, insight, a free e-book like this, wisdom…you get the idea.  If the product or service you are offering has the potential to revolutionize their life and those they love, it is your mission to reach them- not by creeping them out, or spamming their inbox, but in new and creative ways, and for good reason.

While I was working on my doctorate at Liberty University, a brass plaque outside the late Jerry Falwell’s cottage and barn read, ‘Never quit!’

If you’re going to grow your circle of friends and clients you have to cut the word ‘quit’ out of your dictionary today.

Chapter 4- Why you May be Getting Ghosted in your Personal and Business World

“Management is doing things right; leadership is doing the right things.”- PETER DRUCKER

I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that you have never Googled or researched the top causes of pain in the world.  Why?  Because until you read chapter 1, you found no value in that endeavor.  

I’m not going to list them all, but the number one thing people worry about, even before death, cancer, and sex is money.  But they also worry about a lot of other things, such as…retirement, finding daycare, learning a new hobby, finding a place to vacation, discovering the best product…the list goes on an on. 

So, the number one reason you may be getting ghosted actually has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them!  And here it is…just like you found no value in researching the causes of pain in people’s lives before reading this ebook, they may be finding little or no value in what you have to offer.  This is usually enough cause for most people to give up and look for someone who appreciates what they have to offer.  

Leaders know otherwise and practice accordingly.  Leaders are like good fishermen…just because a trophy Trout doesn’t appear to be interested in their offer, they keep casting!  It might take 10 casts or it may take 10,000- I know one guy who casted to the same Trout thousands of times one Summer before finally catching it.  I’m not saying people are fish and we catch them by repeatedly casting to them…hear me out, that’s not what I’m saying at all. People sometimes need space and time…they need repeated exposure to what you are offering- as we’ve said, sometimes they are too busy or distracted to realize what you bring to the table.  So what do you do?

Keep being friendly.  Keep providing value- specific value!  Don’t be just another pretty face.  Shine brightly.  Enhance their world.  Transform their personal hell into a heaven.  Meet their deepest needs (real and felt).  It’s not creepy.  It’s called love and it’s a lost art form.  It’s so difficult sometimes, that rather than persist, people pack up their picnic basket and go home.  But if you’re looking for more friends and clients, trading the pain of growing and developing your network for the safety and silence of home will only leave you more alone and lacking.

Life is like fishing.  If you want to succeed, you have to keep your line in the water.  The more time you spend untangling your line, sharpening your hooks, fussing over the right lure…the less time you are actually fishing!  There’s a time and place for all of that, and if you do find yourself having to do those things, then focus and do it right the first time.  Haste makes waste.  But you are not in it for a record one day catch.  When it comes to your web of friends and clients, it takes more than one day to experience true success.

Chapter 5- What if there’s an Easier Way

“Try softer, not harder.” -JOHN ORTBERG

I recently read where someone had been working hard and they shared a euphemism like ‘Nothing comes without hard work’.  I used to believe that myself but I’d like to amend that saying. Working hard, while it has its merits, isn’t the only way to have things or people come your way.  Sometimes the best things in life are free!  Thinking that all we have is the result of hard work can lead to failure and missing out on some of the best things life has to offer.  I’m all for hard work.  I actually enjoy hard work, sweat, and the reward of enjoying and admiring the fruits of my labor.  But there’s more to success than hard work.  

Everybody knows there are things we can do to have people and business come into our lives, however there is something we must remember.  God’s timeline is not always the same as ours!

Sometimes, a few seconds can seem like a minute when someone pauses before saying ‘yes’.  A few minutes can seem like a week when you’re waiting for a text.  A week can seem like a month when you’re waiting for a conflict to resolve.  A month can seem like a year when you’re waiting for a paycheck.  A year can seem like a decade when you’re searching for a new client, and decades can seem like a life-time when your waiting for your son to start talking to you again.

The key is not just patience, but persistence.  Don’t let anything short of Heaven stop you from leading with love.

Everyone loves instant success.  Everyone gets excited when they hit the bull’s eye the first time.  But there’s something even sweeter when success has to be earned.

When it comes to building new friendships and relationships with clients, think of it as a marathon and not a sprint.  Work smarter and harder.  It’s no different than working on a degree or a lifetime achievement.  Your only job is to keep showing up and shining!  Some people will see it instantly and others may take years.  But the more you do it, the better you’ll get and the easier it will come!  Call it what you want—the law of averages, experience, providence, luck- put this principle to work in your life and your life will change!

Babe Ruth held the record for homers, but he also held the record for strike-outs.  Keep swinging for the seats!

Chapter 6- How Does this all Work?

“The less I do, the more I make!” -Anonymous

Years ago, I had the pleasure of meeting a sweet and loving retired salesman and I remember two things he told me.  First, he said he had never owned a pet because he loved people more than pets (if I specified he’d never had a cat or dog, there would have been a 50 percent chance that you’d close this book.). Second, he said that he was his number one product.  I can still hear him say,  “If I can sell myself, I can sell anything!” I guess I must have bought what he was selling, because I love and miss him and still believe what he said was true.

The reason this all works, is because the Golden Rule isn’t just something we do, it’s what we live by, who we are…it’s valuable– worth MORE than gold- and it’s foundation is love!  And love is, always has been, and forever will be the greatest thing in the world!

Unlike others who try to love and give up, successful people embody and display love regardless of how they are received or recognized.  They are like the Sun and rain, who remain constant and continual, forever providing for those who don’t even deserve it.  People like Jesus, George Washington Carver, Lincoln…people like you!

You show me anyone who has reached the pinnacle of success or is currently enjoying a measure of success only imagined by most and I will show you someone who understands this principle.

Ultimately, we don’t fully know how it all works, but it does!  And the good news is we don’t have to understand how it all works, we just have to believe that it does.

Reaching and grabbing for friends and clients via whatever method that works best rather than from a place of love and value, may work for awhile, but it’s sure to fail.

What people want, need, and crave is love and trust.  That person is you.  It may not have been true for you in the past, but now it is.  Your job now is to pass it on!

Further Thoughts

There is still too much to say and this has been far too small a place to say it, but I know you get the idea.  Go out and write your book.  1) Decide to operate from a place of love and value 2) Meet people where they’re hurting and listen to their heart and be the balm they are crying for 3) And keep being the balm even when they reject you- never let anyone extinguish the love blazing in your soul 4) It will get easier and you’ll see greater and larger results 5) Keep the faith! 6) You’ll be blessed and so will they!

Here’s an exercise that takes just a few minutes but might be worth millions! Take a piece of paper and a pen and write ‘skills’ at the top of the page and ‘benefits’.  Then brainstorm for each world.  What are your skills and how can they provide benefit and value for your friends and clients?

Blessings-

Dr. Cory MacNeil

P.S: There’s more FREE writing archived at www.corymacneil.net as well as a few books for sale on amazon.com.  

If you’d rather schedule a phone call, reach out to me: corymacneil@corymacneil.net.

©coryamacneil 2022

Something Worth Waiting For

Rather than celebrating the holidays, some people just want to survive them.  Maybe you are one of them.  Years ago, you looked forward to them, now you dread them because they mean a longer to do list.  If that describes you, maybe what you need is a surprise!

Surprises come in all shapes and sizes.  Just last night a co-worker surprised me with a text that he was bringing lunch for us today.  Perhaps you have been surprised lately yourself.

Maybe you were surprised by depression.  Maybe you were surprised by a diagnosis or divorce papers from your spouse.  Maybe one of your kids surprised you with another call from the principle.  That’s not the kind of surprise we’re talking about.  By surprise, we mean something that reminds you how amazing life can be.

When you think surprise, think of something that exceeds your expectations.  The surprise of a one-thousand dollar tip, for example.  

Of course, in this lifetime, we all experience good and bad times.  It doesn’t matter who we are or how good we’ve been.  It doesn’t matter if we have faith or lack it.  However, sooner or later, we all get surprised in a good way!

Over the years, I’ve learned that God loves surprises.  The good kind of course.  Although, surprises of the other type provide excellent opportunities for us to grow and learn.

In fact, when God first shared his plan with Mary, it came as a great surprise.  She was so startled that she was actually afraid.

Before this even, God had surprised Mary’s cousin Elisabeth by allowing her to conceive at a time when she had been collecting social security for several decades!  Not only was Elisabeth surprised, so was her husband.  They had both served God their entire lives yet were unable to have a child.  The people in their town speculated that they must not be right with God.

This brings to light a principle, if you knew what the future held, it wouldn’t be a surprise.  If you knew exactly what was looming on the horizon, it wouldn’t be a surprise, would it?

One pastor I knew received a new pick-up from his congregation for Christmas.  That particular year he was going through a tough time and didn’t even want to come out of his bedroom when his wife told him there was someone at the door for him.  When he finally answered the door, his friends surprised him and the truck was parked in the driveway.  Before he received the truck, he experienced a time of lack.

I love what the Message says when Gabriel spoke to Mary and told her of things to come in Luke 1.  “Mary”, he

said, “You have nothing to fear.  God has a surprise for you!”  

Chances are, that’s a good word for you.  You’ve been afraid lately and that’s exactly what you need to hear.  Or perhaps you’re anxious.  The problem with anxiety is that we have a hard time putting our finger on exactly what we’re anxious about.  We don’t know what’s got us in its sights but it can’t be good.

I want you to know that you have nothing to fear if you’re trusting Jesus.  Not only that, but God has a surprise for you!

Remember, surprises come in different shapes…we talked about that.  But they also come in different sizes.  

I’m going to go out on a limb here and make a prediction.  The reason you’re anxious and have low expectations is because you’ve come to believe that Christmas is all about something BIG happening…the perfect dinner or present.  Reconciliation with a distant loved one.  A miraculous diagnosis.  Perfect weather.

The problem is that although you’d like to have these things happen, you just can’t imagine them coming true.  Age, cynicism, reality, call it what you want.  As you’ve gotten older your expectations have diminished.

Years ago a pastor started leading a new group of people.  The church was small in number.  Actually it had gotten down to two older women who had enough money to keep things going.  The new pastor prayed and invited people to their Christmas Eve service.  He encouraged the ladies to do likewise.  When the night of the service came, the ladies came to the pastor and asked him where the people and cars in the driveway came from.  “It’s Christmas!” my friend replied.  “But where did they come from?”, the ladies asked.  “It’s Christmas!”, the pastor replied.

Again, God is a God who loves to surprise people.  

Sometimes the surprise is a sunset…or a sunrise.

Sometimes it’s a donut.

Sometimes it comes in the form of a child’s smile or the warmth of a hug when you’re having a really bad day.

Sometimes it’s a letter of encouraging words and thoughts when we’re ready to throw in the towel.

Sometimes it’s a bonus from out of the blue when we have an extra bill or two.

You may be going through a really tough time right now.  I can hear you saying that I don’t really know how bad it is!  You’re right.

But I know this, it’s Christmas!  

I’ll say it again, it’s Christmas!

And God is the Father of Christmas!  That’s right.  So stop fearing and start expecting.  Be on the lookout for what He’s doing in your life.  I promise, it’s going to be good.  I don’t know what form it will come in or what size it will be but I do know that it’s going to be worth waiting for!

Imagine what kind of Christmas you have the potential to experience if you will simply ditch your fear and believe that God has something great in store for you.

What if you decided right now to tell Him that you’re not afraid and that you’re expecting him to surprise you?

What if a co-worker asked you why your in such a Christmas spirit and you said “Because I’m not afraid and I’m expecting God to do great things!”.

While you’re at it, tell them that you too were once afraid and you were not expecting God to do great things, but now you are!

How To Break Free From Stress

This is not a set up! Do you know someone who has it all together and doesn’t stress out about all the details. I know lots of people like that and to be honest, they used to make me jealous. However, that is changing thanks to what I’m learning. No, I still don’t have it altogether. However, it’s getting there and here is how you can start getting it all together and stop stressing.

You need a dashboard. You know, like the one in your car or in your boat. Dashboards perform a number of tasks, but one of the most important features is they alleviate stress when they are working properly. Until we ignore them.

Dashboards also monitor a number of things…electrical power, speed, oil-pressure, Temperature, etc. Because of our dashboards, we are able to travel without stressing out every five minutes. If we feel anxious about the performance of our vehicle, one glance at the dashboard calms our fear. Why? Because engineers are pretty smart people.

We’re not always so smart. As complex as a dashboard may seem, it’s a relatively simple tool. So why not create a personal dashboard so that you can glance at it when you feel anxious and be reminded that things are as they should be?

Here is a quick glance at the dashboard I’ve created for myself to make sure to alleviate stress and provide peace, presence, and focus based on what I’ve discovered in David Allen’s book Getting Things Done: The Art of Stress Free Productivity.

In the words of Michael Hyatt in his book Free to Focus: A Total Productivity System to Achieve More by Doing Less, he teaches us that productivity frees us to focus on what is most important to each of us. It’s not just about getting more things done, so that we can feel productive. It’s about creating order in our lives so that we can focus on what’s important.

Without going into the psychology of it all, here’s the dashboard I’ve created. If you’ll take these initial steps and follow through on them, it will help you manage your stress levels and allow you to be present.

The first thing you need is a note pad and pen. You can do this digitally if you like. I used Evernote- a productivity app- to create mine.

Write down everything you have to do. If you’re laughing or freaking out right now after reading that last sentence it’s o.k. To begin, just write down the things that have a high priority in your life right now. As we’ll see, your system is going to take time to develop and it will evolve for the rest of your life. For now just write down what needs to be done. That is, you want to write down what actions you have to take. Don’t do them, just write them down.

For example, don’t just write down Dog on your list. Write down Wash Dog. Schedule Oil Change. Schedule appointment with Eileen. Until you write these action steps down, they just create clamour in your life…they’re always humming in the background of your mind like a huge machine in a factory. Sometimes they remind you vocally when you’re least able to act on them. It can be three o’clock in the morning and your brain reminds you to wash the dog. So get them out of your head and on your dashboard. You can label this guage on your dashboard- actions to be taken.

Write your next actions down, but also take time to review them. There’s more. A gauge on a dashboard is only effective if you use it. When you do this, your brain stops reminding you of what has to be done. You turn off your lizard brain and you begin to focus more on what’s happening in the moment. This is only part of the system, but it’s key.

Recap: Write down next actions in a safe place so that you can refer to them as necessary. This becomes a physical gauge on your dashboard. Voila! It’s that simple. Try it and see if you don’t begin to feel better. Whenever you wonder if you are accomplishing what needs to be accomplished, you can simply glance at your dashboard.

The next gauge is projects. These are things that take more than one action. For example, plan the meeting with your boss to discuss the new initiative. Find a Counselor or Life Coach. Renovate the bathroom. You get the idea. Now write them down. You don’t have to do anything with them at this point, you just have to write them down. What you are doing is simply clearing your brain…unclogging your mental engine…allowing your brain to work at it’s optimum level in a way that it never has before.

Recap: 1) Write down next actions you have to take and review them periodically (guage 1). Step 2: write down projects you are thinking about and review them periodically (Gauge 2). Interestingly enough, you will learn to know when it is time to look at the dashboard.

The other gauges are pretty self-explanatory. A someday/maybe guage. A reference guage. A share/delegate guage.

Briefly, A someday/maybe gauge is a place where you record things that you’d like to do at a later time. They are not necessarily pressing at the moment. They might include Visit Niagara Falls. Take a night class. Without getting into too much detail, you can also break this file down into headings such as home, work, personal, dreams, etc. But for now it’s just important that you have a place to keep them on file.

The reference gauge is just the place where you keep things like the manual for your new refrigerator, memory sticks, articles you find interesting, etc. It doesn’t have to be a physical place but it helps. It can be as simple as a filing cabinet with alphabetical folders.

The share/delegate gauge is simply where you note work that needs to be delegated. For example, Ask Sean to rake the lawn. If you are an executive, it might include things like ask Cheryl to book my room in Atlanta for the conference. Hire an accountant.

Recap: 1) We are often stressed and unable to focus due to a lack of organization in our lives. We never really know where we stand, and have no way to measure progress and what needs to be done because we keep everything in our heads. 2) Our stress becomes manageable when we begin to record specific actions and review them at minimum, weekly. 3) This enables us to be productive at a deeper and higher level than we have ever experienced. In fact, when we take these simple steps, we become more productive and at peace than most of the people around us. 4) Creating and monitoring a personal dashboard frees us to be present with and focus on the people and things that matter most to us.

Your last assignment is simple but powerful. Set aside to think about what you need to do to personalize your own system. For example, you will find that once you start writing down next actions, it is like peeling the proverbial onion. You begin to realize there’s a lot more on your mind than you first imagined. That’s o.k. Remember, this is a life long process. It never ends. Getting organized in this way will never exempt you from the messiness of life. The difference is you will have a way to better navigate the chaos and sense control simultaneously.

Now begin to imagine differently. Rather than playing the movies about the future that you’ve always played, envision a new one. Imagine yourself creating the dashboard and experiencing the peace we’re talking about. Imagine taking the fly fishing trip you planned six months from now and having a peace you’ve never had before because you took a small chunk of time to change direction in your life and get organized. Imagine having a cup of coffee with your sister without worrying if there is any laundry to do.

Stop carrying everything around in your brain today. Write down what you need to do and review it from time to time. Then do what needs to be done. Only when you get everything out of your head will you begin to break free from stress and be free to enjoy all that life has in store for you.