Here is a FREE copy of my latest mini-book.
21 Ways to Improve your Life
Introduction
Imagine you are driving down the highway and you look up and see that three lanes of traffic have come to a complete stop! What do you do? You are traveling 65 mph and there is no way to stop in time- btw, you are towing a camping trailer!
This actually happened to me the Friday before Labor Day in 2018. I was on the Mass Pike with my son and our puppy in a cage in the back seat. Before you feel sorry for me, I already had a couple of strikes against me. 1) my tires were bad and I knew it. 2) the braking system for the camper wasn’t hooked up. 3) I was too busy trying not to miss the exit and was trying to study the map on my phone and drive at the same time.
The moral of the story is? There are many.
Life can come at you fast and sometimes you have to make a split-instant decision. Here are some choices I’ve made that will help you as you travel life’s highway. They are lessons that I learned from one of the greatest leaders I know.
Chapter 1- Take Action
Chapter 2- Listen
Chapter 3- Divert Daily
Chapter 4- Learn To Be
Chapter 5- Study Hard
Chapter 6- Dream Often
Chapter 7- Invest In Individuals
Chapter 8- Be Diligent
Chapter 9- Commit, Commit, Commit
Chapter 10- Wean Yourself And Those You Lead
Chapter 11- Build The Plane As You’re Speeding Down The Runway
Chapter 12- Lead Your Family
Chapter 13- If You Love your Life, Love Your Wife (or husband)
Chapter 14- Others!
Chapter 15- Give It away!
Chapter 16- Take a Deep Breath, Stand Up, Push Your Shoulders Back, And Stand Tall!
Chapter 17- Admit Defeat (Once In Every So Often)
Chapter 18- Add Value
Chapter 19- Think Before You Speak
Chapter 20- Presentation Matters
Chapter 21- Love Wholeheartedly
Chapter 22- Bonus!
Chapter 1- Take Action!
‘Truckin’, up to Buffalo
Been thinkin’, you got to mellow slow
It takes time to pick a place to go
And just keep Truckin’ on!’ -BOB WEIR
Leaders don’t deal in generalities, they major in specifics and take action. They choose a destination.
They schedule the appointment. They follow through. They love, ie, make the call, carve out time, schedule the repair, spend the money, fix what’s broken, study diligently, say the hard things…
And it’s not a one-time deal. It’s a way of life. Their action is the grease that keeps the machinery of life moving. They’re willing to do the hard things. They use words and actions.
Time and time again, the leader who taught me about leadership performed acts of service. It wasn’t about him, he made it about me. He sacrificed time for me, he listened to me…
It reminds me of a story. I was sitting in a chair at a graduation party and everyone was fixing a plate of food. My Uncle walked by and said, ‘The food isn’t going to come to you.’
Leaders don’t just sit in their offices and wait for the food to come to them. They get up and out and search for opportunities to serve others. Magically, once they’ve served, the food appears.
What action do you need to take today?
Start by maybe just sweeping the floor for your wife. Do the dishes. Before you know it, you will see something else that needs to be done and everything around you will begin to change.
Chapter 2- Listen
‘Hello Darkness my old friend’- PAUL SIMON
I used to hate social events. I really did. Maybe you do as well.
The number one reason I hated them is I didn’t know what to say! What if there were important people present? What if there were people who knew more than me? What if they weren’t impressed with me or my credentials? BTW, if you’re the most interesting person in the room, you need to find another room!
So when did that change? I started getting interested in other people.
I’ve learned that when we stop being impressed with ourselves and start being impressed with others, miracles happen!
I’m not talking about appearing to be impressed. I’m saying when we’re genuinely impressed!
Once we take the time to listen, it’s amazing what we can learn from others.
It doesn’t matter if they’re in shape or out of shape, short or tall, black or white, male or female. Every person you meet has the potential to be one of the most amazing humans you’ll ever meet
Last week I meet the owner of a Tequila Company, a financial expert who came from Rome and lives in Manhattan, a published author studying for a month at a nearby writer’s retreat, and others. The truth is, you never know who you’re talking to until you begin to listen.
Leaders listen. They’re not impressed with their own credentials and what they know, they love listening and learning from others.
The amazing thing is that the more of an interest you take in others, the more they’re interested in you!
BTW, send me an email at cory macneil@corymacneil.net and tell me a little about yourself! I’d love to hear from you.
Chapter 3- Divert Daily
‘A spoonful of medicine helps the medicine go down’ -MARY POPPINS THE SOUND OF MUSIC
Perhaps Jack Nicholson’s character summed it up best in Stephen King’s novel ‘The Shining’. You remember Jack Torrance the aspiring writer and former alcoholic who takes on the position of caretaker at the Overlook Hotel in the Colorado, Rockies, right?
His wife finds pages and pages of writing that say the same thing over and over again,
‘All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy’.
Leaders should work hard, but they also know how to take a break and divert.
Social media is a good option. Rather than actually studying it, it’s something you can just glass over and then get back to work. What’s the point?
Diversions allow your mind and body to relax briefly before getting back to your task.
As Mary Poppins sang, ‘A spoonful of medicine helps the medicine go down!’
Author Rick Warren said it like this, ‘Divert daily. Withdraw weekly. And abandon annually.’
Chapter 4- Learn To Be
“When I find myself in times of trouble
Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom
Let it be.”-PAUL McCARTNEY
Doing nothing is sometimes the hardest thing you can do.
However, being doesn’t mean doing anything. It can, but not always.
In the words of Yoda, “Train yourself to let go of everything you are afraid to lose.”
Everything you do flows out of who you are being.
The Torah says, “Be still and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.”- Psalm 46:10
If you have to think about what it means to be, then you do not know the first thing about being and until you learn, your personal growth as a leader will be stunted.
As a leader, you must learn to embrace the seeming lack of activity.
In the words of my mentor, sometimes everything moves in slow motion when you’re a leader but that’s o.k. It’s even o.k to suck at being.
One of the major things my mentor shared with me after a mission trip to Haiti was, “Sometimes you need to focus on being rather than doing.”
“What do you mean?” I asked. I thought part of going to another country with the gospel meant looking for all kinds of opportunities to teach and preach and demonstrate your superiority as a westerner (yes, I’m exaggerating).
“We went to garbage dumps and kids were playing on the piles of garbage and laughing and smiling,” he said.
Hmmm, I thought, interesting.
It sounded to me that we as westerners might have a lot to learn from ‘poverty-stricken’ kids in ‘third world countries.
None of this would have ever occurred to him if my mentor hadn’t looked for opportunities to be rather than do.
Chapter 5- Study Hard
“Sometimes peace of mind can only be obtained by knowing that you made the effort to become the best that you are capable of becoming”-ANONYMOUS
If the person you admire has a doctorate degree on the wall behind him and you have the means of acquiring one, why not go for it?
The more you study, the luckier you get.
Howard Hendricks, an esteemed bible scholar and retired seminary prof (his own name for the profession) told of being younger and passing a professor’s study early every morning. He saw the guy’s study window illuminated, even on the cold dark days of winter. When he asked the professor why the lights were on so early every morning, he replied, “Young man, I have learned throughout the years that most people would rather drink from a moving stream, than a stagnant mud puddle.”
How do I know my mentor studies? The answer is, that every time he talks or spends time with me, I learn something new and exciting.
Study and even study hard from time to time. That thing in your noggin is a muscle, just like every other muscle in your body, and the more you use it, the stronger it grows!
If you’re going to be an exceptional leader that stands out in a crowd, you need to be studying the BIG picture, you need to study where people are hurting, you need to study the questions nobody else is asking and read the books nobody else is reading.
The best time to start studying hard was twenty years ago. The second best time is today!
Chapter 6- Dream Often
“Dream, dream, dream…whenever I want you, all I have to do is dream.”-EVERLY BROTHERS
My mentor once asked this question while speaking in front of hundreds of people. He pretended he was using his hand to wipe the dust off from a book in his other hand. Over and over again, he dusted off the invisible book. Then he asked, “When is the last time you dusted off your dream?”
Powerful!
Many people wonder why others are so successful, but fail to realize that every dream that comes true, started out like a dream. The dreamer saw it in their mind. They imagined what could and should be. They could see the dream crystal clear before it ever happened.
“This is all a dream we dreamed one afternoon long ago…” -PHIL LESH (BASS PLAYER FOR THE GRATEFUL DEAD
One of the greatest things about dreaming is that it doesn’t cost anything on the front end. That means it’s FREE. Sure, it will cost you on the back end, but that’s beside the point.
The minute you stop dreaming, your future starts dying.
My pastor always said, “We never rise above our prayer life.” Some people may not agree, but I do know this…dreaming is a lost art form.
Life moves fast and it can be challenging to make time for it. Besides, who wants to be called a daydreamer.
There was a kid in the Bible named Joseph (his name means fruitful) and his brothers mocked him and called him ‘Daydreamer’. They thought they were doing him an injustice, but I can’t stop and wonder if they shaped his destiny. After all, he was a daydreamer and while his brothers could look no further than the daily life of being farmers, Joseph was always peering into the future.
Did it pay off? It sure did! Many times over. Eventually, he rose to power over all of Egypt and became very wealthy.
Call it what you want, daydreaming, meditation, thinking, it’s powerful stuff. And like I said, it’s absolutely FREE upfront. You can have it with bad credit and no money down, so what are you waiting for?
What is your dream? Who or what is stopping you from chasing it?
Chapter 7- Invest In Individuals
“Here is a boy with five small barley loaves and two small fish, but how far will they go among so many?”- JOHN THE APOSTLE
I was spending time with a friend and his three young sons and the youngest and I ended up lagging behind the pack. Actually, I lagged, because he was lagging. His Dad had said how everyone enjoyed spending time with the young boy because they always learned something.
As we walked, I said, “YOU have the best Dad in the whole wide world.”
“Sometimes,” the small boy said.
“What do you mean,” I asked.
“Well, sometimes when I’m trying to sleep, he yells at Mommy and I get mad,” he said.
Hmmm! I thought to myself. Sounds like me sometimes when I get mad or I’m frustrated with my wife.
Like they say, ‘Straight out of the mouths of infants!’
Up until that time, I had never really thought about how my lack of patience and anger might be affecting my children. Sure, I already imagined my wife wasn’t too happy with it. BTW, she’s yelled at me before too. And if you’ve been married any amount of time, you know as well as I do that we are all entitled to a good argument from time to time.
The point is, that we often think we’re doing something great when we invest in others, and we are…I’m not denying that. But the real point is that when we invest in others, there’s always a payout. It might not come in dollars and cents, but there’s a payout.
Right then and there, on that path out of the woods, I decided a change was necessary and I took the steps to initiate that change and it’s paying off in spades.
The other point is that if you wait until you’re perfect to start investing in others, you shouldn’t. Every day you come into contact with people you can invest in. It might mean opening a door for them, complimenting them about their shoes or hat, a smile on a rainy day. You never know how much one small intentional act of kindness can make a difference.
But one of the greatest ways to transform someone’s life is to invest in them for the long haul. Stay with them through thick and thin. Love them when they are unloveable.
Aren’t you glad people did that for you?
Chapter 8- Be Diligent
“Your direct actions, not your thoughts, determine your destination.”
-AUTHOR ANDY STANLEY ‘THE PRINCIPLE OF THE PATH’
This segues nicely from the last chapter.
Imagine getting in the car in NY and typing an address in Florida into your GPS. It’s a great start. But what’s going to make it happen. The answer is simple, you have to stay on course.
The number one reason I never experienced any real achievements in life before being coached, is because I was a quitter. And in the words of my friend, “The problem with quitting is that it turns you into a quitter. I’ll add to that “winners never quit and quitters never win.”
While that sounds harsh, it’s a powerful seed if you want to succeed and have accomplishments that you can relish.
Imagine celebrating your 50th wedding anniversary. You won’t if you quit.
Imagine watching your organization grow and prosper. It’s going to take diligence.
There will be plenty of people and circumstances to divert you from reaching your destination.
Why don’t you tie your hand to the mast right now?
Start the 401k and plan on committing to it.
Decide to be a better Mom or Dad and persist, especially when it seems fruitless.
If at first, you don’t succeed, try and try again.
Author and Bible scholar Eugene Peterson said it this way, “Young people would come to me for advice and I’d ask them have you tried this?” Then I would give them a solution to their problem.
“Oh, yes,” they’d say, “I’ve tried that.”
“How many times?” I’d ask them.
“Oh yes, I’ve tried it many times.”
“O.K,” I’d tell them, “Let me tell you a story. I sat on my dock one day and watched a Kingfisher dive and miss twenty-one times before he caught a fish. Twenty-one times!”, I’d say. Then I’d follow up with this question, “Have you tried twenty-one times?”
How about you, you say you’ve tried working on your marriage. Maybe you’ve tried growing and leading your organization or working on your relationship with your son or daughter. But my question to you is, “Have you tried twenty-one times?”
Chapter 9- Commit, Commit, Commit
“Take me out to the ball game
Take me out with the crowd
I don’t care if I ever come back
Buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jack”
-JACK NORWITH TAKE ME OUT TO THE BALLGAME
Recently I spent some time fishing with my mentor and picked up on something. He wears a NY Yankees baseball cap. I didn’t even have to ask him why he wears it because I already know the answer.
He wears it because he founded a church in NY in 2003 but he’s from South Carolina. Make sense?
He wears the hat not only because he loves the team and the people of NY, but he also wears it because he has no plans of going back to South Carolina. Why because he is committed and the baseball hat he wears, like the wedding band he wears for his wife, is a symbol of his commitment.
“If you ever plan on moving,” he told me years ago, “don’t share your plan until you’re ready to commit. Otherwise, you will lose friends left and right. Nobody wants to invest in anything— a friendship included—that has a limited future.
Commitment is a POWERFUL word.
It’s actually been my word this year. The more I studied the greatest leaders, this word kept popping up. Another leader long ago taught me that ‘Leaders speak the same language’, so I tuned in when I started hearing it left, right and center.
Commitment will take you places beyond your wildest dreams.
Commitment is rocket fuel for your dream, especially when you encounter obstacles.
Commitment will make you stand out from the crowd.
Commitment will fill your trophy room with trophies.
Commitment forces you to submit and enter a realm of freedom you’ve never experienced before.
“But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” ISAIAH 40:31
Chapter 10- Wean Yourself And Those You Lead
“But I have calmed and quieted myself,
I am like a weaned child with its mother;
Like a weaned child I am content.
KING DAVID PSALM 131:2
There’s no baby cuter than the church baby!
That means the youngest baby in the church is usually considered to be the cutest. But a problem arises if the baby never grows up and some of them never do!
For example, if someone was eighty years old but had never advanced behind having the mind of a baby, we would say there’s a problem.
Not only is it a problem, it’s a MAJOR problem in many organizations. Individuals, as well as teams, never mature or grow up. Their organization is like a carousel that just keeps going around in circles year after year.
My mentor’s motto has always been, “Growth is outside of your comfort zone!”
To illustrate, draw a circle on a sheet of blank paper and put a dot in the middle of the circle. That dot is you and everything inside of that circle is what you know and what you are comfortable with. Everything you’d like to have is going to take discomfort and lie outside of the circle!
David knew this. No doubt, he had watched mothers wean their Lambs out in the fields throughout the years and applied his knowledge, and left us with these words of wisdom.
I’ve seen puppies who still go for the nipple from time to time and the mother has a way of putting them in their place real quick.
People on the other hand often get away with murder when it comes to this necessary development. It begins in the home with overprotective parents who let their fifty-three-year-old kid live in the basement and manifests itself in leaders as well as the organizations they lead.
As a result, the leader or organization can never progress because they are constantly doting on those who crave their immediate attention and care. Some leaders actually prefer this because it gives them a sense of power and allows them to be the Guru. Guru or no guru, you can’t grow gurus unless you are a guru yourself in this area.
Not every text, phone call, or email, demands an immediate answer. Once the people you lead realize this, they can begin to wean themselves from their addiction to you and the security you offer. Sounds cold, I know. But it’s genius and actually constitutes real love. If I love you, I am willing to teach you difficult and uncomfortable lessons if it means that you’ll reach your full potential. The surprising fact is that while it is often assumed that successful leaders are push-overs, they are not! Far from the case.
But what did your two-year-old always say when you corrected them or ignored their tantrums? They would say, “YOU DON’T LOVE ME! IF YOU LOVED ME, YOU’D GIVE ME THE CANDY BAR! I WANT THE CANDY BAR! WAWAWA!!!!”.
You might not cry for a candy bar, but there are times when you’re impatient in life and want your way, yesterday. That’s the Burger King generation. That generation believes they can have as much as they want whenever they want it. Leaders are different.
Leaders love those they lead by teaching them to wean themselves. Once this is accomplished, the sky is the limit for you, them, and the organization itself.
Chapter 11- Build The Plane As You’re Barreling Down The Runway
“All I leave behind me is only what I’ve found.”
– ROBERT HUNTER (LYRICIST)
You’ve never experienced the things you’re experiencing today at this time and age. Nobody has. It’s called the present for a reason. You can study and plan all you want, but eventually, the rubber has to hit the road.
This, however, shouldn’t stop you from saying yes to things you’ve never done before.
Until you learn to take risks, become an early adaptor, and embrace change, your leadership will never be cutting edge. Nor will your life. Of course, as a Christian thought leader, this should all be done within moral and ethical confines…that goes without saying.
The leader I have in mind met with me and designed a program to coach me. I’m not sure he had done that before, but it was a glowing success and he gave it his all. Not only that, it was customized to my needs and goals. What did he do? He built the plane while it was barreling down the runway.
The book you are holding in your hands is no different. I stumbled upon this approach after reading another ‘mini ebook’ another author had written. Now I’m in love! It is designed to provide condensed, valuable, information in a pint-sized volume.
Gone are the days when people want to read an encyclopedia. That being the case, there are still a lot of people -especially people who are going places- who love the idea of devouring highly valuable information in one setting.
None of this would have happened unless I decided to build the plane while it is barreling down the runway.
What product or idea could you implement quickly that your friends and clients are dying for? What are you waiting for?
The journey to the market begins today. The longer you fail to implement your idea or product, the longer you delay gratification in the form of accomplishment and dollars. Think Beta. Get it done! Start experimenting today. Call it an experiment or a rough draft. Chances are it may be crumby, but it’s a start, and as I’ve always said 99% of success is starting. “Once begun, half done!’
Chapter 12- Lead Your Family
“And God said to Jonah, Doest thou well to be angry for the gourd? And he said I do well to be angry, even unto death.” THE BOOK OF JONAH 4:9
As a paid preacher and public speaker who has spoken on a weekly basis for many many years, I’ve always had the goal of preaching a message that so thoroughly demanded immediate action and implementation that people got up and went out to do it!
If I talk about loving others, and they get up and leave to bake their neighbor a cake, that would be a success! You get the idea.
But after reading God’s sermon to Jonah, I now have another dream. One day I will stand up, and read a short text. Say one sentence. Then sit down. The problem is at $800.00 an hour, I’m not so sure how well it would be received.
God is the highest-paid public and motivational speaker/preacher in the world, and he didn’t care one bit what anyone thought of his short sermon. He preached it, sat back down, and waited for an answer.
Leaders love their families. I often wondered how men could love their families, especially over-taxed, burdened leaders of large organizations and networks. Despite the heat, pressure, and heartaches, they labor on weathering the storms of life. How do they do it?
What I have found is they are not angry and they confess buried anger. Until anger is yanked up by the roots, it will destroy all of your relationships, especially between you and those closest to you.
Anger is the weed and the weed is you. And change begins when you acknowledge your anger and confess it. Get rid of the weed and the plants around it begin to flourish.
For years I had anger- both repressed and expressed- and it sucked all of the life out of me and those I loved most. First, I owned my sinful anger. 2) I took steps to confess it and overcome it. 3) I experienced victory and the joy that comes from being in a thriving relationship. As long as anger remains an option, you risk tearing down everything you’ve worked to build. Your weed will wither right before your eyes, the first time you find yourself in scorching weather.
So if you’re angry, it’s sin and you need to confess it. If you think reading another book or attending a conference is going to heal you and your family you’re out of your ever-loving mind.
So here’s the text, “Doest thou well to be angry for the gourd?” And here’s my sermon, “STOP!” Now send me the $800.00 if this helps. I’m going to sit down now.
Chapter 13- If You Love Your Life, Love Your Wife (or Husband)
“A happy wife is a happy life!”- ANONYMOUS (Maybe the biblical character Job? LOL!)
Let me go out on a limb and take a guess. Before you got married, you thought your wife (or husband) was perfect, but now you know different. LOL! Me too.
But if you’re like me, you’ve also discovered that you’re not perfect.
The leaders and happy people in your life and mine are perfectly imperfect.
Until you can admit you are imperfect, your pride and ego will tell you otherwise.
I know awesome humans who have really awesome marriages and some of their spouses are BEARS!
Never ever forget that your spouse- like all humans- is a bundle of strengths and weaknesses! In order to thrive, you’re going to have to embrace their strengths and their weaknesses.
Remember Nathanial Hawthorne’s short story ‘The Birthmark’. If you haven’t read it, the main character’s wife was astonishingly beautiful by all looks and appearances, however, she was flawed in the eyes of her husband due to a birthmark. Sound familiar?
Well, they had the birthmark removed and you can only guess what happened. And even if you were to remove your spouse’s birthmark, the scar might be even uglier than the imperfection and you’d suffer even more having to look at that for the rest of your life.
Gary Chapman’s book the ‘5 Love Languages’ might help.
He argues that our spouses speak different languages and until you learn their language, you’re at a disadvantage. Here they are, not in a particular order. Some spouses may require that you become bi or trilingual!
- Words of affirmation
- Acts of service
- Gifts
- Time
- Touch
Wow! That was easy right.
The truth is your life will never be all that it could or should be until you work on your marriage. Trust me, I know!
Chapter 14- Others!
“Others!”-THE LAST WORDS OF WILLIAM BOOTH THE FOUNDER OF THE SALVATION ARMY
While this principle may be self-explanatory, here are some thoughts.
Jesus summed up the message of the law and the prophets in one word, ‘LOVE’.
Love God and others.
If you love God and your neighbor, you will not sleep with their husband or wife.
If you love God and your neighbor, you will not steal their land by erecting a fence that crosses the property line.
Need I say more.
The only life worth living is an examined life. How do we examine our lives and see if we’re loving God and people? Start by looking at two books- your pocketbook and your checkbook.
Chapter 15- Give It Away!
“Cast your bread upon the waters, for after many days you will find it again.”- THE BOOK OF ECCLESIASTES 11:1
None of us like to take perfectly good bread and make it soggy, especially if we cannot see how there will ever be a payoff, but sometimes that’s what is necessary.
Doubt says, “Do that and you’ll never see it again.”
Worry says, “I’m not so sure I’d do that if I were you?”
Fear says, “What if you run out.”
And God says, “You will find it again! Cast it upon the waters.”
Sometimes the best answers to the challenges you face are counter-intuitive.
Uncommon sense goes against the grain. It’s like a Salmon, rather than go with the flow, it swims upstream. Someone once said that wisdom means doing the exact opposite of what the crowd is doing. In most cases, the crowd is getting all they can, canning all they get, and sitting on the can!
Ironically, those who can the most are usually the most lacking in friends and resources. The problem is they’re always focused on getting just enough for themselves and their family rather than getting more than they need so that they can bless others. They’ve hobbled by the myths they learned as children- money doesn’t grow on trees, there’s a recession, money doesn’t come easy, a dollar saved is a dollar earned.
Sometimes you have to be like someone who feeds duck or fish and just cast perfectly good bread upon the waters.
Large, loving human beings are not afraid to give it away for FREE!
Just recently, I saw a YouTube video where a kid that owns a lawn maintenance company drives around town and volunteers to whip people’s overgrown, neglected, lawns back into shape. It’s no rush job either. He supplies all of the fuel, equipment, blood, sweat, and tears and does the job as if he’s getting paid for it. In some cases, the people he works for avoid a fine from the town. Now, who do you think they’re going to go to if they ever decide to hire someone?
The same goes for your business. What can you give away? Cast your bread upon the waters…provide FREE service initially with no expectation or hope of never receiving a dime and see what happens. But remember, there’s a good chance it will come back!
At the end of the day, you will find that you can’t out-give God. It’s all His, so why not share it? All of the creature comforts in the world cannot replace the feeling of giving freely from a place of love and joy.
Sometimes, money takes second place to a smile, a tear, or a home put back together because someone took the time to practice the ‘Golden Rule’ of treating others the way they would like to be treated themselves if they were in the same boat.
Jesus spent time with sinners and in many cases, he never received a dime and He was the richest man who ever lived!
It’s not all about what’s in the bank, but what’s in your tank and if your tank has been filled with the love of God, it’s going to naturally overflow. But relax, there’s plenty where that came from!
Cast your bread upon the waters and thou shalt find it after many days.
Chapter 16- Take A Deep Breath, Stand Up, Push Your Shoulders Back, And Stand Tall!
“You gotta give and live right
Love the Lord your God with all your might
And when it all
Has got you backed up against the wall
You won’t fall
When you stand tall!”
RON BAKER JR. SONG- STAND TALL
One thing I always loved about my mentor is the fact that he always pushes his shoulders back and stands tall, especially in the face of adversity.
Isn’t that what we all want in a leader?
I don’t know about you but I can’t follow a wishy-washy leader who melts like toast when you soak it in milk. Lol.
Your tribe wants to not only use your vocabulary they want to walk the way you walk. Teach them. Model. Walk the talk and talk the walk. Love in word and deed and that all begins by loving your God enough to know that He’s got your back and you can stand tall. You should be proud of your lineage because it goes all the way back to Him!
This is where it gets a bit painful.
I was watching a YouTube video and the guy was interviewing two brothers from Appalachia who were senior citizens. By their own admittance, they had both dropped out of grade school and the only jobs they had ever had were what little work they could get mowing lawns. However, just like the kids from the garbage dumps in Haiti, they were beautiful and graceful men who wore their scars as only someone who is proud of their heritage can. Despite their setbacks, neither one of them had ever ventured outside of their community and essentially the only life they knew was the one they had lived. Everyone in their community was in the same boat.
After sharing their past and smiling throughout the whole interview, the interviewer asked the oldest one a question. He had clearly already interviewed them beforehand and already knew the answer. So he may have been prepared for the answer, but I was not.
“Your sister was your mother, wasn’t she?”, he asked the older man!
And without missing a beat, the older man with white hair and glasses answered, “Yes,” he said, “that’s true, my older sister was my mother.”
Tears rolled down my cheeks and I just about broke down.
“How can I push my shoulders back and stand tall?”, you might ask yourself in your darkest hour.
Well, if he can, why can’t we?
Whoever said life is fair, was wrong. Life is not fair, but life is beautiful. Just like anyone else, you can change. It doesn’t matter where you’ve come from (don’t take that wrong, it matters to God and in the annals of time), but the truth is you can go through this world with a victim mindset or you can see the futility of that stance and change it.
Take a deep breath, stand up, push your shoulders back, and stand tall!
You’re a child of the King!
Chapter 17- Admit Defeat (Once In Awhile)
“All the things I did I only did halfway
Tomorrow will be Sunday born of rainy Saturday
Come again
Walking along in the Mission in the rain.”
JERRY GARCIA SONG ‘MISSION IN THE RAIN’
Everyone knew what a skunk smelled like, except my son Elijah. He was two years old at the time and riding in the car when a strong smell he had never smelled began to permeate the mini-van and his young, untrained nostrils.
“What’s that burning smell?”, he asked.
“It’s a Skunk!”, my wife answered.
“Who’s burning a skunk?” He asked.
Aren’t kids awesome?!
While most kids know what a dead Skunk smells like, Elijah didn’t.
Most adults, on the other hand, can smell a Skunk a mile away!
If you never admit to a single mistake, people will smell you from a mile away and know what you really are- a skunk! LOL.
That’s not to say that you should admire the fact that you’re constantly making mistakes, it only means that you should own them when you do. Taking it a step farther, never be afraid to tell people ‘I don’t know.’ However, don’t leave them there. If it’s your responsibility to know, tell them you’ll find them the answer.
I don’t know how much it cost Toyota when they admitted there were issues with some of the frames on their trucks but when they owned the problem and stood behind the vehicles it made me want to buy one. All these years later, they are still going strong! We stand and salute them!
But more than mistakes, the people in my life that I admire most are the ones who are willing to admit defeat. They take their stripes gracefully. They smile when it’s time to shake hands with the team and the players and coach that beat them. They give the respect they would want if the tables were turned.
Earlier on, we said that ‘quitters always quit and quitters never win’ but in reality, sometimes quitting is the only option. If you have to operate outside of God’s grace and blessing and you’re only getting thrown up against the wall and battered, you might want to quit.
Just be careful that you don’t revisit the site of the battle and ensuing defeat too often. Yes, it’s great to reflect and yes some of life’s greatest lessons are the most expensive but it’s also true that doing so can be like taking a ‘downer’.
Alcohol for instance is a downer. So is Morphine. Why do people take them? Because they offer a form of temporary escape, but always leave you wanting more.
While successful people are quick to acknowledge their failures, they do not ruminate on them.
Chapter 18- Add Value
“Yes…but does it work?” STEVE JOBS
TALKING WITH HIS TEAM
Someone once said the score isn’t official unless real dollars are added to the kitty.
You can say you feel better or note that you are experiencing benefits beyond your wildest dreams but most people want proof…the skeptics anyways.
So how do you measure real value?
We count numbers because numbers matter.
But just because something is immeasurable, it doesn’t mean that it has no value. How do you put a value on a doctor’s report that declares you cancer-free? How do you put a price tag on the fact that you spoke and the prodigal son went home to his Dad?
While some things may be difficult to measure, we do get clues.
When people start lining up to experience your presence and your products, hint, hint.
When you begin to get in the flow and things begin to transform in and around you, hint, hint.
The question is how do you provide value? The answer is sometimes you really don’t know. Rather than getting hung up on what it looks like, maybe it’s better to just strive for that quality in what you do and say. When you hit the mark, it will be obvious and chances are it will happen when you least expect it.
The minute you pride yourself on being able to do something, I think your odds go down quickly. Yes, you should be confident and expectant but just remember all of this equipment we’re walking around in (our bodies) are on loan. We’d like to think we own them, but the truth is we only get to borrow them. At the end of the day, all the pieces go back inside the box, so why not make the most of them every day by using them to bless as many people as we can!
Whatever you do, add value!
Chapter 19- Think Before You Speak
“What’s the frequency, Kenneth? Is your Benzedrine, uh-huh
I was brain-dead, locked out, numb, not up to speed
I thought I’d pegged you as an idiot’s dream
Tunnel vision from the outsider’s screen”
R.E.M SONG: WHAT’S THE FREQUENCY KENNETH
After seminary, I used to regularly spend thirty hours a week preparing to preach!
Things have changed, but I think it’s still important to prepare, the only difference now is I have muscles that took years to develop and don’t have to work as hard. But I still have to work, just differently.
When it comes to working and living, the words you use are vital. In fact, I believe that the quality of the words that you write and speak determines the quality of your life! Let that sink in a moment.
You can use your words to kill time or fill in a space, or you can use them to shape the world you live in and the world of those around you. Every time you open your mouth you are either building or tearing something apart.
You can use words to create and/or you can use your words to destroy, the choice is yours.
Have you ever thought about how wonderful it is to be able to use the gift of language?
How can you use your words to make money or better the world?
Chapter 20- Presentation Matters
“I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o’er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze…
William Wordsworth
‘I WANDERED LONELY AS A CLOUD’
They say we just dress for the job we want, not the job we have. But if you showed up for work not wearing the company uniform. Your boss would probably fire you. I rest my case, presentation matters.
It’s not always what you say but how you say it. Change the words around and sometimes you have a better thought. To say it better, a change of phrase can make all the difference in life.
Then there’s tone. You can say the nicest words in the world but if there’s the slightest hint of tone, forget it. Your friends and loved ones will rebel.
The same goes for environments. People gravitate toward nice places and avoid dungeons. Given the chance, if they can afford it they will even walk past good to arrive at better. You’d better believe that if I have the money I’m going to stay at the Hilton rather than the Econolodge!
My mentor spoke of a time when the best presentation available to him was homely but he made the best of it and kept improving until he was able to do better. Today he’s still aiming for ‘perfection’. “Aim for the moon”, he’d say, “if you fall short, you’ll still hit a star!
The truth is, while God looks at our hearts, our neighbors can’t look beyond outward appearances. It doesn’t matter if you’re the nicest guy or gal in the world, people will judge you based on appearances. That’s the nature of the beast.
Don’t get discouraged or give up. And no matter what you do, try as you might, at the end of the day you will not be everybody’s cup of tea. But…you can be someone’s cup of tea, right?
Go look in the mirror and repeat this sentence, “I am not for everyone!” That’s powerful, isn’t it? You are not for everyone, implies that you belong to someone! And if you have someone who values and treasures you, you are golden! However, presentation still matters.
Chapter 21- Love Wholeheartedly
“I’ve looked at love from both sides now
From give and take and still somehow
It’s love’s illusions I recall
I really don’t know love
Really don’t know love at all”
JONI MITCHELL
CLOUDS
It might just be my dream but my greatest dream is to know and be known.
The longer I try to love, the more I feel there is to learn. Maybe you feel the same way.
Love is not the easiest way, but it’s the best way and it’ll get the job done every time.
If you want to be remembered for one thing, be remembered for loving.
I want my stone to read, ‘He loved God and others’. That’s it. Nothing more and nothing less.
As Angela Mayou once said, “Most people will never remember what you said, but they will remember how you made them feel.” I don’t know about you, but I want people to feel great when they’re around me. I bet you do too or else you wouldn’t have gotten this far through this book.
What a grand gift life really is. I’ve been visiting the gravesite of my Mom and her parents recently and each time, I’ve walked away reminded just how good it is to be on this side of the grass! While their lives and love still speak volumes, the difference is I still have the sacred ability to do so at will. Each day I have the choice to make my life and the lives of others heaven or a living hell. It’s my hope to make it a heaven.
But back to you…What would happen if you thought of your life as a miracle from this day forward and decided that your job is to be a miracle worker in your own life and the lives of others.
I truly believe you can be a miracle and a miracle worker and that’s why I’ve written this book. Now go out and write your own book.
“Cast your bread upon the waters and you will find it after many days!”
Chapter 22- Bonus!
Here are two chapters from my new mini-book How to Create a Valuable Business.
Introduction
Plain and simple, you are not everyone’s cup of coffee. You can serve to your best ability with all of you heart, soul and mind. Some people just don’t like coffee. Chances are you didn’t even like it the first time you tasted it. And even if you serve them the best cup in town, they will disapprove. However, that doesn’t mean you need to get out of the coffee business. Business can be challenging, but the rewards can also be out of this world.
Chapter 1- The True Test of Service
You don’t have to guess if you are providing a valuable service. Just check your bank account. Better yet, take a look around you. Are your needs being met and maybe even some of your wants? Then chances are you are providing value.
Take a glance around you. Look at the abundance of the sky, and trees. Woody Guthrie said it best, ‘This land was made for you and me.’ You are blessed.
Losing one customer is not going to put you out of business. You can choose to get better or bitter. A setback should never discourage you from creating the best that you can.
In fact, we may never be more like God than when we create. He is The Creator, and we are made in his image! Our job is not to focus on our needs, He has that covered. Our task is to focus on creating. And not just creating, but creating to the best of our ability.
Chapter 2- Don’t wait!
Maybe you’re interested in creating, but you are waiting until you perfect your product or service. Don’t. Test your beta version. Build the plane as you blast down the runway. If you’re a writer, write a crummy first draft. If you’re a speaker or coach begin your ten thousand-hour journey to mastery today!
Perfection is the enemy of production.
Perfection paralyzes us from starting.
Perfection means different things to different people.
What can you create today? If you make it available on the internet, you instantly have a product or service that has the potential to produce income for the rest of your lifetime. Maybe it’s an ebook or an audiobook. Maybe it’s coaching or consulting. A webinar or video. A Youtube channel.
Whatever you do, K.I.S. (Keep It Simple). Especially when offering your services. In the “old days” people chose their own names. If you built houses you called yourself John Carpenter. If you ground corn or wheat, you were Joe Miller. I drove past a sign today. It was simply a hand-written sign with an arrow that read ‘Hay for Sale.’
Use your imagination, but here are some examples of business names. Jack’s Plumbing. Paul’s Landscaping. Terry’s Painting.
Here are some bad business names. Imaginative Solutions. Infinity and Beyond. Cecil’s. These names tell potential customers nothing whatsoever about the products and services being offered.
What would be a good name for your company?
Final Thoughts
What do you do when you look up at glowing red tail lights and three lanes of cars are at a dead stand-still?
I don’t know, but I can tell you what I did.
Somehow, I evaluated the situation quickly and decided since there was no stopping, I had to glance real quick in the rearview mirror to see if I was taking anyone out behind me and swerve right to avoid the stopped traffic! And that’s what I did.
The rest is a miracle. As I hit the brakes, all of the tires screamed and it was like being on ice. The trailer instantly jack-knifed but fortunately, it followed the truck. There’s nothing like traveling 65 mph with tons of weight driving you toward huge trees!
And just like that, we stopped instantly.
By God’s grace, the truck took out the guardrail but the end of the guardrail managed to catch the corner of the frame on the trailer! Praise God! Had the guardrail not stopped the trailer, we would have smashed into trees at 65 MPH!
Although we came to an instant stop, we were alive and nobody- dog included, was injured! The truck was totaled and that’s a whole other story. We just never know what a new day holds. It’s good to be alive!
P.S: If you want to read more of my books, you can find them on Amazon.com.
P.S: There’s also a blog with over 100 articles on corymacneil.net
P.S.S: Finally, if you’re interested in taking your life to a whole new level, you can reach me at corymacneil@corymacneil.net
