Posted on Thursday, August 18, 2016

How To Be an Olympic Leader

Why Faster isn't Always Better

Do you ever feel like life is moving too fast? With the end of summer fast approaching and the oncoming of fall, it’s easy to feel like you’re in ‘squirrel mode’. Time to hurry up and start packing things away and getting organized for you know what. But faster isn’t always the answer.

There are actually three options. To begin thinking about them, imagine a highway.

The Fast Lane You already know what this one is for. It’s the one you get in when it’s time to cover some ground. For some it’s not fast enough, and they feel the need to go faster. The posted speed limit is just too slow. Without getting into character issues, there are some who can travel in this lane with skill without jeopardizing their own life or the lives of others.

The Slow Lane This lane if for those who are not in much of a hurry. You reach your destination in this lane, it just takes a little longer. In fact, in some cases this lane allows you to take more in on your journey. People in this lane are often referred to as ‘Sunday drivers’ in upstate N.Y. where I live.

The Middle Lane This lane isn’t just for those who are looking to go a little slower than drivers in the fast lane or a little faster than drivers in the slow lane. This lane also allows you to navigate between the fast and slow lanes.

I’ve used this simple illustration to point out a few truths about leadership and winning. Top leaders realize that none of these lanes are any better than the other. In fact, they all have equal value. What sets strong leaders apart from the pack is that they realize when it is time to accelerate and when it is time to let up on the pedal. They’re not afraid to use every lane when necessary.

Some are not so fortunate. They learn the hard way about the value of discernment.

The problem is there isn’t always a highway to take your team from point A to point B. It’s often more like a side road with twists and turns. A great leader knows this and understands when it’s time to slow down and when it’s time to speed up.

Yes, some of you can negotiate S and hairpin turns faster than others, but in general, you’ll do well to take the time to slow down. In the long run, you and your team will be all the better for it.

I was once in Mustang 5.0 with a friend and his brother heading into a sharp turn doing about 130 miles per hour! My friend and I begged his brother to slow down, but he wouldn’t. We both knew the turn couldn’t be made at the speed we were traveling, yet his brother was out of his mind. Miraculously, the car remained upright when it spun in circles as we flew off the road and came to a rest.

Sometimes as a leader, you can make the mistake of trying to impress others by how fast you drive. They won’t be so impressed if you crash and burn and injure everyone on the bus with you.

Not only do good leaders possess competency, they also possess character. Your character is just as important as your competency. You can lose your competency and get it back. Neglect your character and you’ll never live it down. Why not slow down? Be the leader God designed you to be. You’re not going to impress him or anyone else by constantly acting outside of your giftedness and integrity.

Psalm 78 says of King David, “So he fed them (Israel) according to the integrity of his heart; and guided them by the skilfulness of his hands”. The world of leadership moves fast and it requires both character and competency. If you have to forfeit either character or competency, you’re not being the leader God made you to be. You don’t have to cut moral corners or burn yourself and others out to make a difference in this world.

Again, no lane is better than any other. Each one serves a purpose for a time. What is important is knowing which lane to use at any given time. So how do you know?

You know you’re in the wrong lane when you lack character. Loss of character doesn’t just occur in the fast lane. It can also occur in the slow lane. For example, you know it’s time to shift into a faster lane but it’s not convenient.

You also know you’re in the wrong lane if competency is an issue. In some cases you may not be using your full competency and God is telling you it’s time to change lanes. Or you may be trying to appear more competent than you are and God wants you to slow down and get the skills you need.

Before you go off into the mud, why not take a few minutes to reflect? What lane are you in right now? Is this the right lane for you and your family?

Again, some leaders have more character and competency and they can travel fast, but that doesn’t mean you can. When was the last time you let your heart catch up with your mind?

In the rush to reach your dreams and goals, it’s so easy to put the pedal to the metal and hope for the best. However, you need to use sound judgment. Every move you make, the people you lead are watching. More importantly, God is watching.

If you’ll start thinking of leadership as three lanes instead of just one- the fast lane- you’ll be on the road to achieving more than you could ever imagine. In no time at all, you’ll even pass the wrecks of those who thought they needed to get there faster. While nobody wants that, it’s a sobering truth. Leadership from the heart requires both competency and character. The choice is yours.

Posted on Wednesday, August 3, 2016

How to Multiply your Impact Overnight

One Dirty Little Principle that Will Change your Life Forever

Would your life change as a leader if you had more help? Seven years ago, I thought you only had to go before your team and tell them you had a position to fill and you’d get instant volunteers. I was wrong.

Many inexperienced leaders make the mistake of trying to do everything themselves. Common sense tells them that if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself. This works for a while. The key phrase is a while. Eventually Lone Rangers get burned out or realize the importance of equipping others. Like someone once said, you are successful when you better yourself, but you become significant when you better others. Great leaders better others and one way they do that is by empowering them to use their God-given gifts.

But there’s a rub. Many people do not step up to fill available positions when they are asked to do so publicly. Sure someone may once in a while, especially if they’re looking for public recognition, but in most cases nobody will. Let me explain.

As a pastor, I’ve asked people from the pulpit to volunteer, only to hear crickets. There are probably a number of reasons why it happens this way. I’m not a psychology major. The reason this happens, in my opinion, is because when you do it this way, people assume the position you’re trying to fill could be filled by anyone. If it were special, they assume, you’d be looking for someone who is qualified, not just any old person.

What if there was an easier and more effective way?

Lets face it, when you need someone to do a job, you usually have a particular person in mind, don’t you? Rather than just asking anyone, talk with THAT person privately and make your proposal. The worse thing they’re going to say is No. If they do, you haven’t lost anything, in fact you’ve narrowed your search.

We could riff on this theme forever! Did you ask a roomful of people to marry you, or did you ask one? Do you ask all of your neighbors to borrow a tool, or only the one who has what you need?

You also don’t put an ad in the Want Ads when you need work done on your car, do you? No, you search the Net or call a friend and ask for references. To go a step further, if you needed brain surgery, I’m sure you’d do your research and find a Doctor with excellent credentials and references.

Rather than asking anyone and everyone, imagine what might happen if you gave someone a personal invitation to meet with you. Then, rather than making an impersonal request, imagine what might happen if you told them why you feel they are particularly qualified and asked them to join your team. There’s a difference between personal and impersonal invitations.

If you’ve repeatedly looked for help in performing the tasks you are faced with and had poor results recruiting people to help, imagine what might happen if this instantly changed overnight. It’s quite possible there are some who see you trying to do it all yourself and they are just waiting for you to ask them personally. So what do you have to lose?

The work you’re called to do is a great one, and having the right players in the right seats on the bus is of the utmost importance! Singling people out for promotion is not only important, but your responsibility as a caring leader. People are depending on your leadership.

I’m like you, I don’t know what happens when I turn my iPhone on, but I’m glad it does. The same is true of this powerful principle. You can influence people from a distance, but you have to get up close and personal if you’re going to make a lasting impact. So stop shooting at every duck in the flock and pick just one.

Posted on Monday, July 4, 2016

What Would You Do If You Had A Month Off?

A Powerful Question Worth Asking Yourself (Part I)

What if you had an entire month off from your regular duties? Sounds wonderful, right? But what would you do if you had so much time on your hands?

Thanks to an amazing church and an even more amazing God, I’m taking a sabbatical this month. This all came about after following the example of a very good friend and mentor who’s been doing this for a couple of years now. It’s been amazing!!!!

But what would you do if you were in such a position? Would you go to the beach? Follow your favorite band? Go camping? Sleep in until noon everyday?

By now you’re probably trying to figure out how to take a sabbatical yourself, or punching your computer screen :-). While this is all new to me and I haven’t thoroughly researched it, here is a question that is shaping the way I’ve been spending my time.

Why?

That’s it, end of post, caput, we’re done, have a great week. Just kidding.

When it seems like we have all of the time in the world, we can make the mistake of thinking any road will get us to our destination. You know the adage, ‘All roads lead to Rome’. That may be true if you have all the time in the world, however, even a Honey Bee knows the shortest distance between two points is a straight line

Lets face it, it’s easy to lose your bearings, especially if you have no compass to help you get back on track. I learned that when hunting in the Adirondacks about ten years back. An enjoyable traipse in the woods turned into aimless wandering in a Cedar swamp. Every way looked right! Needless to say, I’m glad I finally got my bearings after an hour or so. Otherwise, it would have been a cold, dark night. The same principle applies in decision making. Without a compass, you may be doomed. That’s the reason ‘why’ is such a good question.

For example, if you take a month off and have lots of free time, ‘why?’ is a powerful question to help figure out the way you structure your time. It becomes a filter through which you funnel all of your decisions. Otherwise, if you intend to go nowhere, you’ll get there every time.

So, if you take a month off, with the goal of resting, here’s how it works. Rather than focusing on ‘what’ you plan to do, ask yourself ‘why’ you’re going to do it. Is volunteering for a week going to help you achieve your goal of rest? In some cases, yes! Volunteerism is a beautiful thing. However, in some cases, no. Especially if you volunteer actively throughout the year.

Here’s another example. You decide to take a month off to reconnect with old friends. Great idea! However, if you find yourself in an uncomfortable situation, don’t wait to ask yourself ‘why?’.

When you ask ‘why?’, you’re forced to examine your motives. If you’re not careful, you can even find yourself doing a lot of good things, for the wrong reason. Good things aren’t bad, but they can keep you from reaching your goals and accomplishing your dreams. Especially when you have such a limited amount of time.

For example, maybe you’re thinking about going back to school. Great! But why? What’s driving you to do it. Are you looking to become all that you can be or is it just going to be another feather in your cap? Imagine spending years doing something that was never a good decision to begin with. Nobody wants to be the guy running toward the wrong end zone with the football.

By now you can see the reason ‘why?’ is such a powerful question. ‘Why?’ has the power to help you cut through the fog, guilt and confusion. I’ll tell you right now, if you decide to take an extended time off, there is going to be resistance in some shape or form! Someone is not going to understand why you’re doing it or see the benefits of your choice. Remembering why you chose to do so, will keep you on course, especially when you feel like people are talking behind your back or plotting your demise.

Switching gears, maybe an extended period of time off isn’t possible right now. Don’t fret. You may not have the luxury, but you can still carve out time to move forward and rest. ‘Why?’ will help you do that. For example, there’s an opportunity to work overtime. Before you commit, you know what to do. Ask yourself why you’re doing it.

Or your friends invite you to a get together. ‘Why’ will help you choose what’s best for you. Life’s too short to always do what’s expected of you socially. In fact, Jesus had a church member die and he didn’t even call the family or send a text for three days!!! Although I wouldn’t recommend doing that, it goes do show that Jesus paid very little attention to social norms.

While your at it, have fun and don’t feel guilty about it if your conduct is a reflection of good character. I like how Eugene Peterson says it, “Take on an entirely new way of life- a God-fashioned life renewed from the inside and working itself into your conduct as God accurately reproduces his character in you”. Ephesians 4:24 (MSG).

So go ahead and take the class. Read the book. Call the friend. Visit the beach. You’re in charge of your own time. If those activities are going to help you reach the goal you’ve set, go for it! Just be sure to decide ahead of time what your reason for taking the time off is, and act accordingly. Don’t be like me and end up in a Cedar swamp trying to figure out how you’re going to get home safely!

When did you last take time to reflect and determine the true motives behind your actions?

Stay tuned for part II!

Posted on Friday, April 22, 2016

One Thing You Should Do No Matter Where You Are

The Future Is Now

I hate running. There, said it. Feel much better now. But I do it anyway because I like the rewards. So lets talk about something you can do no matter where you are, especially when there are other places you’d rather be.

While running, it’s so easy to look forward to the finish line. You just want it to be over, so that you can rest. Unless of course you’re sadistic. But what if you just focused on the next step, not the finish line. Rather than looking down the road to the end, just focus on running. One step at a time.

That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have goals or dreams. Those aren’t bad things. It’s easy to miss out on all of the beautiful things in life when you’re overly focused on the destination.

Rather than thinking about how much work your relationship needs, why don’t you take a moment to just celebrate the milestone you’re at right now- difficulties and all.

Instead of worrying about how your meeting is going to go tomorrow, take a few moments to better prepare today.

Maybe the pain you’re experiencing right now is confirmation you are heading in the right direction.

Instead of thinking about how much fun you’re going to have on Saturday, why don’t you be joyful today, right where you are?

The ironic thing is that people who emphasize the beauty of the destination are least inclined to make the world a better place here and now. The journey is just a means to the end. When they reach their destination they hurriedly strike out for the next one.

Life becomes something you chase. Everything you do is just to make it to the next level. You trade happiness today for success tomorrow….wash, rinse and repeat. For some, death is the ultimate finish line. Life on earth is garbage, but when you die, everything is going to be better. Why wallpaper the living room if it’s only going to be burned eventually?

Jesus, on the other hand said he came so that we could have an abundant life (John 10:10). Yes, there are challenges, but with the overcoming of each one, there is joy and fulfillment, and so much more. If there were not challenge, there’d be no satisfaction.

What about Cancer? Well, what about Cancer? You tell me. Some of the happiest people I’ve ever met were those who had an increased appreciation for life because of their illness or loss. That’s not just a rosy glasses philosophy, that’s reality.

Wherever you are, be all there!

No matter what you’re going through, you’re the first one to experience this planet in this particular way. Nobody’s ever been the parent to your fourteen year old daughter before, including you. You’re the first one to live exactly the way you’re living right now. You’re unique. Nobody has ever experienced the world quite the way you’re experiencing it at this very moment!

The past is past and the future doesn’t exist. The only thing you have is the present. It’s a gift, so where ever you are, be all there! Each day you receive twenty four golden hours to spend as you choose and you can’t save them or get them back again. Each one must be cashed in on a moment by moment basis.

Most of the time, rehashing your past can lead to regrets and focusing on the future can lead to worry. It’s not that you shouldn’t plan for the future. You should. The point is you don’t need to worry about the future. In fact, Jesus commands us not to! “If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers-most of which are never seen- don’t you think he’ll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving” (Matthew 6:30 The Message). “Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself” (Matt. 6:34 KJV).

As I type, Wonderful Tonight by Eric Clapton is playing on the radio. When my wife and I met over twenty years ago, I used to play it for her on my guitar. How cool is that? Right now, I have nothing to do but enjoy this moment and feel wonderful. How about you? What’s one thing you can do right now, no matter where you are? Be all there!

Posted on Tuesday, April 12, 2016

Thank You!

Two Powerful Words

Have you ever felt unthankful? Before you read any further, I want to thank you! Thank you for checking out this site from time to time. Thank you for your words of encouragement and feedback. Your friendship and kindness are greatly appreciated. The time you set aside to read these posts means a lot to me. I treasure you. You matter. You are loved.

However, time can play some pretty funny tricks on you. It’s always fun to start out on the Yellow Brick Road, but then something begins to change. What was once a source of joy and gratitude can become a burden. You want children and then they become teenagers. You love your new car, but then notice some rust one day while washing it. You wanted the new job but now it’s become a source of frustration and there’s never enough left over at the end of the month. So what’s really happened?

Lets face it, our zeal for life and all things new can deteriorate quickly. It just seems to come with the territory. Worse yet, the problem only compounds the more we carry out our inventory. Not only do our cars rust, but so do our relationships, our finances, our devotion, our physical fitness. It’s especially painful to watch our loved ones struggle. Our aging parents and pets are daily reminders that things are changing.

If you’re going to safely navigate hardships and change in life, you’re also going to have to change your attitude. 1 Thessalonians 5:18 says this, “Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.” This verse wouldn’t be so difficult if it weren’t for the word all. But notice it doesn’t say be thankful for all things. What it says is be thankful in all things. No matter what happens. No matter how you hurt. No matter what the weather forecast is or the state of the stock market, unthankfulness is never an option.

In fact, mature people are thankful people. Not thankful for what happens to them, but thankful regardless of what happens. The point is, no matter what happens, we all still have something to be thankful for. If you lose a limb, but you’re still alive, you’re still in the game. If you’ve gone through a divorce and you still have a place to live, you have something to be thankful for. If the stock market crashes and you still have something to eat, you have something to be thankful for. If your church splits tomorrow and you still have a family, you have something to be thankful for. You get the idea. An attitude of gratitude helps you find the gold in the ashes.

A greater appreciation begins with an appreciation of what you have, not what your going to get.

A greater appreciation begins with an appreciation of who you are, not who you’re going to be.

A greater appreciation begins with an appreciation of who you know, not who you’re going to meet.

A greater appreciation begins with an appreciation of what you have left, not what you’ve lost.

No, thankfulness does not ensure an easier course, but it does provide a smoother ride. Why not take a few minutes to thank God this morning. Thank him for Jesus. Thank him for your family. Thank him for your shirt….Take a pen and paper and write down 10, 20, 30, or 100 things you’re thankful for. Trust me, the expression ‘thank you’ is packed with two powerful words! What are some of the things you’re thankful for?

Posted on Friday, January 8, 2016

Vision

8 snapshots to keep you moving forward

If you’ve ever taken a cruise, you realize how important mission and vision are. We took a cruise to Gran Turk in early 2015. It was a blast! While the trip took a lot of personal planning, I’m grateful the company took some time to do some planning of their own. Without a mission (port of destination) and vision (what it will look like along the way), we would have been doomed from the start. So what is your vision for your life? Your church? Your family? As someone once said, “A failure to plan is a plan to fail”. Chances are if you have no blueprints for your life, you’re not going to build much of anything. You can jump on the expressway to nowhere and get there pretty quickly. So where do you start? Here are 8 thoughts on vision.

1. Pastor and author Andy Stanley argues that vision starts with a daily commitment. Think about that for a moment. Regardless of how great your vision is, unless you’re willing to commit to it, you’re doomed from the start. Will you make mistakes? Yes! But as Life Coach Dave Kraft says: “If you’re not making mistakes, you’re not making much of anything.”

2. I believe one of the largest obstacles holding leaders back from casting vision is the fear of error. As someone said, “there’s so much fear of strange fire, that we have no fire!” When we fear what others will think if we fail, the obstacle in question is our pride.

3. Vision is a clear mental snapshot of “what could and should be”, according to Stanley. Vision is not the real challenge, the real challenge is making vision stick. Some of you have an idea of what could and should be. You may even have the wisdom to make it happen. But are you constantly and creatively finding ways to keep your vision before the eyes of your followers?

4. Another good question to ask when trying to understand your vision is to ask what the problem is that needs to be solved. For instance, maybe the problem is there are no basketball courts in your community for under privileged teenagers. Or maybe the problem is poor morale at your place of employment because the employees have no allocated place or times to get together for meaningful connection throughout the day. You can’t come up with a solution until you understand the problem.

5. Maybe you struggle with vision because you get side tracked. Often, less important things take the place of the urgent. Saying YES to vision may mean saying NO to less important details. Why? The bible says: “Where there is no vision, the people perish!”. Pastor Johnny Hunt says it this way: “Where there is no clear, prophetic revelation, the people cast off all restraints!”. If the people in your life cannot see your vision, maybe it’s because you haven’t made it stick. Vision is a big deal when you realize people’s lives are at stake.

6. One way to make vision stick is to make it simple and memorable. Provide a visual. For example, if you’re a pastor, post a photo of you and your smiling church members standing in front of your sign. What simpler way to illustrate the goals of joy and unity? Again, not only must you state the vision, you must REPEATEDLY remind your people, family, organization and others of the vision. Perhaps right now, you are faced with a challenge. Maybe, just maybe, you are burdened by the problem because God wants to use you to come up with a solution. It wouldn’t be the first time. A.W Tozer said: “God tells the man or woman who cares!” The challenge you are facing right now may be a leadership opportunity in disguise.

7. Whatever you do, Stanley emphasizes that you take notice when people catch your vision and CELEBRATE! As a leader you want to minor in pointing out flaws in other people and major in recognizing strengths.

8. In the meantime, understand that people’s complaints can be useful in determining their understanding of your vision. Feedback is your friend! Facts are your friends. Sometimes their complaints only show their lack of understanding. Leaders never take constructive criticism personally. They look beneath the service. They attempt to determine motives.

So what have you learned about vision? If you’d like to study this topic some more, buy a copy of Andy’s book ‘Making Vision Stick’.

Posted on Thursday, December 31, 2015

Unplugging in 2016

This one little tip can change your life

Have you ever felt like you were up to your eyeballs in media? I have. Then a twenty-something year old friend brought me back to reality. Lets face it, the NET is here to stay. However, if we’re going to succeed in not only our personal lives, but our business lives as well, something’s got to change.

You’re not the only one fed up with phones and computers. Then why is it, we try to reach people with the very tools we hate to use ourselves. No, you don’t have to do a media detox, but it might help. While you’re at it, start looking for opportunities to have more REAL FaceTime in the form of face to face conversations. “Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend”. Proverbs 27:17. Is it any wonder we’ve grown dull? There is still nothing like a heart to heart talk with a friend we’ve known for a long time. While you’re at it, why not make a new one?

What if in 2016 your goal became ‘I want to meet new and interesting people’, instead of ‘I want to make $100,000.00″? Does that mean you would have to abandon Social Media or blow up your phone? No. But a good place to start might be where actual people congregate. You might even ask some of your friends to introduce you to someone who shares your common interests. After all, who better to make a recommendation than someone you’ve known for a long time?

Business wise, the same principle applies. Look for opportunities to meet new people and don’t be afraid to tell them what you do for a living….especially if you’re self-employed. If you’re feeling real brave, why not ask for a referral? If you’re a pastor, you might say something like. “Jean, as you know, a large part of my occupation depends on meeting and connecting with new people. Do you know of anyone who might be interested in what our church has to offer?” You’re not being pushy when you ask questions like this, you’re being proactive. If your product or offering is life changing, why keep it to yourself?

In most cases, people are not going to just come and knock on your door. You have to get outside the box. You can spend 60 hours a week in your office working on your social media platform, tweaking your website and cleaning your building and people still won’t show up. You can read every book under the sun. But something amazing happens when you go to where they are. That’s what Jesus did and it still works today.

While you’re meeting new people or potential customers, why not give them a sample of your product? If you’re in the life changing business, why not help them solve one of their most taxing problems over a cup of coffee? Give them opportunities to ask questions? You’d like that, right?

And while you’re at it, don’t look for quick results. You may have some immediate response, but plan on being in it for the long haul. Look at it like your planting a field, not popping something in the microwave. Good things take times. New friendships and prospects take a bit of cultivation. Trust has to be built. God may work, but sometimes his methods take time. Seeds don’t pop up overnight, unless of course they’re weeds.

But something even more amazing will happen other than an increase in friends and prospects. You’ll get your life back. You’ll find yourself doing something other than sitting in front of your computer wishing there was someone to talk to. With any amount of grace, you won’t be wondering how you’re going to pay the mortgage or keep your business going.

So look for changes to come in 2016! But most importantly, initiate the change yourself. Decide today that while you may not abandon your computer or phone, you’re going to start being more intentional about keeping it real with real people. If you’re an introvert, that’s o.k. Many others have achieved these types of goals. You don’t have to know what you’re going to say to people. Most times they’re just looking for someone to listen. Now get off the computer and get going!

Posted on Wednesday, December 9, 2015

The Key To Unlocking Your Dreams in 2016

How to change anything

Have you ever wondered why some people seem to have all of the luck? I’ve been there. It’s so easy to take a look around and see people finding success in areas that you are failing in. Social media only exacerbates the problem. Rarely do people post about their failures, all we get to see are their highlight reels.

So how do you change anything?

When it comes to change, we don’t lack willpower, we are just blind in certain areas of our lives. This is important to understand because willpower can only take you so far. More than willpower, you need to have a plan and educate yourself if you’re going to reach your goals.

More than a plan and personal education, you need social support. You need to be around people who know your dream and are cheering for you. Likewise, you may have to disassociate with people who want to sabotage your plan. These people are easy to recognize because they say things like: “You’ve changed” or “You never cared before”, not to mention the classic jab: “What, are you, too good for us?”

Once you examine your own weaknesses and temptations, you are are ready to map out a plan. Write down the necessary steps that have to be taken. Come up with more than one way you are going to counter the things that tend to make you deviate from making a bee line to your goal. For example, you may set up alarms on your cell phone to remind you of your vulnerable times. Or, you might wear a rubber band on your wrist and snap it every time you find yourself thinking self- defeating thoughts.
While you’re at it, make plans to reward yourself when you reach incremental goals. Promise to buy yourself that new book on Friday if you’ve reached your goal for the week. Rewarding and punishing yourself along the way will help you stay on track.

Sooner or later, despite your best efforts, you will fall. Get back up again and keep on going. Learn from your mistakes. Take the information you’ve learned from your failure and use it to better refine your plan.

Change is hard work. If you don’t roll up your sleeves and get to work on your plan, you’ll get rolled up in the motions of just getting by. Don’t depend on the things that have helped others, customize a plan that is going to work for you. You don’t have to run 5 miles a day like your neighbor, maybe a brisk walk every other day is a better fit.

Studies have shown that most plans work: the problem is most people never work their plan. You don’t have to be one of the 98% who make a New Years resolution and blow it by February 1st. Find a plan that works for you and stick to it.

You don’t have to go it alone; I’ve written a book to help you begin your journey called “Life Coaching: 7 Myths Keeping You From Your Best Year Yet.” The book is available in Kindle and print on Amazon.com.

In the meantime, I’d love to hear any thoughts you might have on this topic.

Posted on Thursday, December 3, 2015

Facts Are Your Friends

How to avoid virtual unreality

The lure of making money on the internet has never been stronger. You can write a book and have virtually unlimited supplies in a virtual warehouse. You can start a blog and add check out widgets. Post unlimited photos. Craft marketing campaigns. Cha-Ching! The sky’s the limit. Or so it seems….

If you’ve spent any amount of time taking any of these approaches, you’ve learned they aren’t always effective.

What ends up happening is you invest a lot of time and energy and see very few results. Sure you may sell some books and you may have 500 followers. But there always seems to be something missing, right?

The payoff never seems to match the investment. If you were to be honest, it makes your soul ache a little bit, right? You find yourself wondering why everyone else is successful except for you. You start getting up a little bit later each morning. You know the drill. It begins to feel like everything is dying.

The problem is there’s a difference between real relationships and virtual ones. It’s wonderful to interact with people online, but there’s still nothing like genuine, personal, up- close interactions. Some older folks realize this and avoid the net with tooth and nail. But believe it or not, it’s not only senior citizens and the technically challenged! This entire post was birthed after talking with twenty and thirty- somethings.

Lets illustrate. Imagine your bank account for a moment. It’s a collection of debits and credits, right? Every time you make a transaction it’s altered. It goes up and down based on your saving or spending. It helps to monitor it, right? But if you’re not careful, you can get to the point where you have no idea where it stands. If you just make withdrawls and deposits every once in a while and hope everything is going to pan out, there will be deficits. Major deficits.

Why? Because facts are your friends. Numbers never lie. They help us keep score. You can have the greatest strategy in the world, but if the bottom line isn’t increasing, something’s drastically wrong. And we’re not just talking money or Facebook followers. If you want to FEEL happy or relaxed or artistic or generous….and you don’t, chances are something needs to change. If you’re working on your goals and your core feelings are out of whack, maybe it’s time to start feeling good again. Then start working on your project. Better yet, feel good while you’re working on your project.

If you’ve determined to be successful and happy, but you feel like your life has become a living hell, do something about it.

And if you’re making everyone else’s life a living hell in the pursuit of your dreams and goals, do something about it. Look at the facts. Adjust your course. Cancel an account or two. Cut back on some hours. Carve out some YOU time….some FAMILY time….some COFFEE WITH FRIENDS TIME. Life is too short to spend in a virtual nightmare.

So here it is in a nutshell. In your pursuit of a life on the beach where money just automatically trickles into your bank account online….while you get a tan, make plenty of time to connect with REAL people. As a pastor, I can’t tell you how many times someone reaches out online to say ‘Hi’ and I find out what they really want is some help! After the initial pleasantries, I ask something like ‘So what’s on your heart’ or ‘Is everything o.k?’ Then I find out they’re going through a really tough patch and need someone to talk with. Why? Obviously all of the articles online aren’t enough….or videos….or ebooks. People want connection. They want to talk with another human being, not a virtual one.

Real people with real problems and dreams are looking for real people to talk with.

Does this mean we should abandon all attempts to connect online. Not at all. On the contrary. The net can be a powerful way to meet and interact with people. But….in your pursuit of meeting and connecting with people online, don’t forget to keep talking face to face with real people. In fact, if your going to build a relationship with someone, it’s going to mean spending lots of time with them. The good news is there are a ton of people out there looking for real relationships. The bad news is many of them aren’t finding them because of the advent of cell phones and computers.

Maybe today you would do well to evaluate the results you’re getting in life. Are you reaching your goals in every area? Maybe it’s been awhile since you actually measured your results. Has all of your activity online resulted in increased revenues and customers? Are you happier than you were a year ago? More at peace? Have you grown like you intended?

Don’t get so focused on the pie in the sky that you forget to eat the one on your table. Happy Holidays!

Posted on Wednesday, November 25, 2015

Holidays Survival Kit

Some thoughts for navigating through stress

Have you ever felt o.k and had a song play on the radio and make you feel blue? This can be especially true during the holidays. You know, when they start playing THAT music two months before Christmas. Not that they’re bad songs. I’m not the Grinch. BUT never underestimate the power of cues, especially during the holidays with all of the decorations and rituals. The littlest reminders from the past can take us back there in a moment. And it only takes one song or meal, or atmosphere to take us back down memory lane. The problem is sometimes Memory Lane isn’t worth traveling down.

Everything is going to work out.

Just thought some of you might need to hear that right about now.

Especially if it FEELS like it’s not going to be.

Let’s face it, it seems as the years go by, there are more reasons to always be working through something, rather than resting.

Throughout the years you gain much, but there are also mounting losses. For some, the holidays aren’t reason to celebrate what’s happening right now, they’re reminders of painful loss.

It’s not personal, that’s just the way life is. It rains on the just and the unjust.

People you once shared your holiday dinner table with are no longer here. Traditions die or just fade away. Family recipes are lost and let’s face it, nobody makes cookies like your Grandmother did.

But in the constant flow of movement and change, good things are happening, too. You may be another year older, but at least you’re still here. Loved ones pass on or move away, but new people come along too. Grandchildren. New Friends. Neighbors.

In your longing for the old days, don’t miss out on new days. Here are just a few thoughts on not just surviving the holidays, but savoring them.

Have fun. Enjoy the small pleasures in life. The best things in life may not be free, but the good things usually are. Go feed some pigeons in the park. Brew a pot of tea and share it with a friend. Sit by the fire and listen to its sounds. Reflect on the good times in your life. Count your blessings.

Stay positive. Decide to be encouraged. Your mindset can make life on earth a heaven or hell. You’re responsible for your own thought life. Take every thought into captivity. Chances are if you haven’t been feeling well, you haven’t been thinking well. Is there an area of your thought life where you’ve let the weeds choke out your dreams? Beware of stinking thinking. Often, the quality of your life is determined by the quality of the conversation you have with yourself. As someone once said, “Nine out of ten worries heading your way are going to end up in the ditch.”

Celebrate. But more importantly, choose to make your celebrations memorable. This one’s huge. It’s one thing to celebrate, it’s quite another thing to celebrate in a memorable way. Photographs help preserve celebrations, but often it’s doing something out of the ordinary that stands out in our memories. Break tradition. Have pizza and wings instead of Turkey. You get the idea. Take a hike and bring a picnic lunch. It’s up to you. Don’t let old ways of thinking keep you from going new places.

Innovate. It’s so easy to tell yourself nothing is going to change. It’s so easy to just stay where you’re at and hunker down. But you’ll never win a new battle if you’re still worrying about how you lost the last one. Rather than doing something this season you’ll regret, decide right now to claim some new ground today! If it means pouring something down the sink, then by all means do it. As long as you keep repeating the same old patterns, nothing is going to change in your life.

Yes, the holidays can be tough. But you’re not alone, if you struggle this time of year. Why not connect with someone else who is going through a hard time? Maybe it means accepting an invitation from a family who’d like you to join them. Volunteer somewhere and serve if that’s what it takes. But whatever you do, don’t succumb to the idea your best days are gone and it’s all down hill from here. The minute you start focusing on the past, you lose the present and opportunities to focus on a brighter future.

Life is more than dwelling on the heartaches and hurts in your past. No matter how hard you try, some things in the past cannot be changed. But you can change right now and your future can change. It’s up to you. How would you like to feel one day, week, month or year from now? Chances are you want to feel better. If that’s the case you’ve got to start thinking better. What do you think?