Over the years I’ve gotten really good at taking back my prayers.  It goes something like this.  I find myself trusting God with something.  It could be my finances, my kids, my job, whatever it may be.  Everything is great for awhile.  Then I take my prayers back and try to answer them myself.  How about you?

Someone once said, we’re to pray as if the answer to our prayers totally depend on God and work like the answer to our prayers totally depends on us.  But doesn’t there seem to be some kind of contradiction?  After all, sometimes we can’t work anymore.  We’re too tired or broken or exhausted or exasperated.  That’s not to say we want to be ‘that guy’ or ‘that girl’.  You know the one I’m talking about.  They do something really stupid and then become a victim and join the club.  When they enter the room, people whisper “that’s him”.  Or, “I heard she…”.  You catch my drift, right?

There was a day when Moses killed a man.  Not just any man, but an Egyptian who was beating another Hebrew.  I’m sure he didn’t wake up that morning and say, “I think I’ll go kill an Egyptian today.”  It’s not like there was some kind of season on Egyptians and he got lucky that day.  No, he saw an Egyptian wailing on a Hebrew slave and he decided to take matters into his own hands.  He acted impulsively.  He did something he shouldn’t have.

The next day he went to intervene in another situation and a fellow Hebrew more or less said, “Who died and made you boss?  Are you the guy who blew your stack and murdered an Egyptian yesterday?”  You could only imagine how he must have felt, right?

Then he fled to Midian.  And in Midian- away from leadership and every day wear and tear- something began to change.  In fact, by the time Moses died, he’d written some of the greatest volumes on leadership in the history of the world!

So how about you?  Have you ever messed up?  Maybe you just reached the end of your rope this past year, or month, or today.  Or, there’s something building up.  You feel some kind of wave in your soul getting ready to crash.  Maybe in your heart of hearts you don’t want it to.  But if you were honest, you’d admit you’re ready to do something you know you’ll be sorry for tomorrow.  Can I tell you a secret?

Life can be hard.  It’s not like you get three guys like you do in a video game.  You’re only given one lifetime, and try as you might to preserve it, there are dangers lurking around every corner.  Life can be messy.  You’re not promised tomorrow, but the good news is not everything in life is a matter of life and death!  The bible says God’s mercies are new every morning.  I don’t know about you, but that’s pretty good news.  It tells you that despite your biggest messes, there is abundant mercy available if you’ll only receive it.  Mercy means you don’t get what you deserve.  You live to see another sunset and go after your dream.  But….

But sometimes that doesn’t mean you get what you want.  Sometimes you end up holding your heart in your hand.  It’s easy to say this is just another chapter and this is all going to work out.  But sometimes it’s more than that.  Sometimes you find yourself writing or reading another book.  There’s only one book most people spend a lifetime reading and that’s the bible.  All the others are fair game.  If they’re no good, you toss them out or give them to the guy at the office you can’t stand and get another one.  🙂

If at this point you think you should just cash in your chips, that’s not what I’m saying.  What I’m saying is life is messy and sometimes the vase falls and shatters on the floor despite your best intentions.  Sometimes you come apart at the seams.  Sometimes the results are not what you’d hoped for.  Sometimes you wreck your car, hurt your loved one, and abandon your dream all in one week.  And sometimes it’s impossible to go back and fix everything….to put the car back together, to reassemble the vase, heal your loved one, but God can do all those things in his own way- in his own time, on his own terms.  After all, it was never your turf to begin with, you had just gotten used to thinking it was.

Look.  Things don’t always work out the way you hope they will, but that doesn’t mean things can’t get better.  Don’t stop going after your dream, but just remember God has the final say.  Like the old farmer said, “You can push against the rock all you want, son, but that doesn’t mean it’s going to move!”  Maybe it was never about moving the rock in the first place.  Maybe it was all about you just getting stronger and developing muscles you never even knew you had.  But no rock, no revelation.

Rather than beating yourself up about your mess up, why don’t you thank God for it.  Tell him you’re grateful for the lesson.  Grateful for what it revealed about what was lurking under the surface in your soul and ask him to do something about it and show you how to make a better choice in the future.  You’ll be glad you did.  Here’s a start.

Lord, thank you for the messes and the miracles.  I can do nothing, but trust you right now.  You said your mercies are new every morning, and I believe that.  I’m not asking for what I want right now.  I want what you want.  Please allow me to experience the peace that passes understanding.  In Jesus’ name.  Amen!