Your Mate Shouldn’t Be #1

If you’ve searched the world over and found ‘the one’, or if you’re still looking, it’s time to refine your search. There’s nobody out there who is going to fill that spot, except for one person. Today you’re going to learn about that person and why they’re the only one who can make you happy.


Between my second and third year of college, I met her. The one, that is. Or so I thought. Nine months later, or so, she was gone.

I remember sitting in the dining hall at Plattsburgh State looking at an Apple Jack floating in a spoonful of milk and not having the strength to eat it….Good times! Need I say more?

I was fortunate, my ‘one’ got away before marriage. Since then, God has given me an incredible wife.  I couldn’t have hand-picked a better one and she is an amazing mother to our children to boot.  Maybe you weren’t so fortunate. By that I mean, they were ‘the one’ but now that you’ve been married for a while, that’s no longer true.  I’m not saying marriage is easy, but it becomes even more difficult when we place demands on our spouse that they are incapable of meeting.  Although I’m not perfect and never will be, I have learned a thing or two.


Here’s the catch….If your ‘one’ is not ‘The One’, you’re going to be sorely disappointed as you go through life.


Let me explain. I’m glad my ‘one’ got away because I hadn’t meant ‘The One- Jesus’ yet. Maybe if ‘the one’ had stuck around, I wouldn’t have met ‘The One’ shortly after. I met Him and the rest is history.

The bible says, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the greatest and most important  command.” Matthew 22:37-38.

How do we keep the greatest command in the whole bible? By loving God with all of our heart, soul and mind. If we love anything more than God, that person or thing becomes an idol.

God has given us this command because he loves us more than we could ever imagine and knows we have a tendency to put other things and people before him. He also knows that idols will let us down every single time. The fact is, nobody can meet your needs and wants better than God!

So, is it possible that you’ve put your mate on such a pedestal that you’re expecting them to be perfect? Good luck with that. If I told you that your spouse is God, you’d laugh out loud and say that was the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever heard. However, as a pastor, I meet and talk with many people who expect their spouse to be perfect.


Maybe you’re not married yet. In fact, maybe you haven’t met ‘the one’ yet. That may be better news than you think! Have you met ‘The One’?


If you haven’t, why not talk with a friend or someone else who knows Jesus. Ask them to introduce you to him. (By the way, that’s also a good way to meet your future mate….wink, wink).

If are single, and you do know ‘The One’ (Jesus), are you compromising your Christian values in the pursuit of love or are you upholding them? I hope you’re not compromising and thinking you’ll come clean and pursue your relationship with ‘The One’ after you reel in ‘the one’ (a.k.a the hot, handsome, fun guy at the gym). Here’s why.

Like attracts like. While you pursue ‘the one’, it’s important that you be the kind of person you are looking for. If you want to meet someone with little or no moral values, go for it. The choice is yours. However, if you want to meet someone who is trustworthy, reliable and puts the needs of others before their own, then you need to be that kind of person. In fact, those three brief character traits pretty well sum up those of ‘The One’.


No matter where you are on your journey, it’s not too late.


– Don’t let your mate take the #1 slot in your life; only God can fill that space.
– Be the kind of person you expect your mate to be.
– Pray. If you’re married pray with your spouse. If your single, and looking to marry, pray for your spouse.

Maybe you didn’t know it, but according to some studies, only 8% percent of married Christians pray together. Out of those 8%, less than one percent of married Christians who pray together divorce.

The national divorce rate for Christians and Non-Christians is 50%. If you like those statistics and want to take a chance, go ahead, the choice is yours. However, if you want to remain married or have a marriage that stands the test of time, pray with and for your spouse!

As always, you can comment in the box below.  What is your own experience with this subject?


Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

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