Weeds! Nobody likes them, but a lot of people tolerate them indefinitely. It’s just easier than buying some weed killer and taking the time to apply it. Let’s face it, WORK is a four letter word these days! The problem is the presence of something unhealthy takes up the space of something healthy. Get rid of the weed and a blade of grass can grow. Today, you’ll learn how to recognize when it’s time to make a difficult change and how to go about doing it.
There are people who are aware of this principle and how it applies to their life. Rather than allowing things to persist in an unhealthy state, they take action and get rid of the things between them and their preferred future. Sometimes the things they get rid of can even be healthy. It’s not that good is a bad thing, good’s just good. But why stay with good if you can replace it with better?
Unhealthy people do just the opposite. They may pull a weed or two in their life that is unpainful, but cringe at the thought of hurting someone elses feelings or being misunderstood.
A principle in the bible, no the other hand has better advice. “A prudent man sees danger and takes refuge, but the simple keep going and suffer for it” according to Solomon in Proverbs 22:3. And by the way, he was said to be one of the wisest men who ever lived.
When most people think about creating boundaries in their lives they believe it involves cutting ties with MGR’s (Much Grace Required ) people. If you do that, you may end up divorced and bereft of all friends and relatives. After all, relationships can be hard work! Rather than ‘cutting bait’ you may do better to evaluate the relationship and determine if it’s reparable or beyond repair. Sometimes the only way to find out is to get busy trying to fix it. If you determine it’s beyond repair, then you have to dump it. Sounds harsh right? The problem is that if you don’t, it will come back to haunt you at the least opportune time!
For example, you don’t replace a bald tire on your car. It will hold up perfectly fine until you’re on the way to your job interview.
Or, you don’t pull the bad tooth. Again, it doesn’t break on Monday morning when the Dentist is open, it fractures at 6:00 p.m on Friday and you have to suffer all weekend.
Or, you have a heart attack the night before your daughter’s wedding after decades of putting off physical exercise and a healthy diet.
So how do you know when it’s time for a healthy ending? After working on something and finding out it’s unfixable, you have to decide if the job, relationship, habit, hobby, situation, addiction is taking you in the right direction of your preferred future. The choice to hang on when all other signs, evidence and experience dictates otherwise is just plain crazy! Here are some weeds and possible ways of responding to them.
Not giving an alcoholic spouse an ultimatum is crazy! Look, I love you, but I can’t live this way. I’m moving in with my sister until you get some help. I don’t want our children exposed to this any more.
Allowing someone to put you down after repeatedly asking them not to, is crazy! Please don’t call me anymore. I appreciate our friendship, but I don’t appreciate being the butt of all your jokes. I’ve asked you in the past, so lets just take a break until you decide to make a change.
Lying for your co-worker for the four hundred and ninetieth time because you want to keep them happy is crazy! (Tweetable) Joe, the boss was looking for you again yesterday afternoon while you stepped out for two hours and I found myself making up another story. As you know, this goes totally against everything I stand for and I can’t do it any longer.
How do you know when something isn’t quite right? You’ll know! Listen to warnings and nudges from your inside in the form of inner dialogue. You’ll hear things like:
Something’s not quite right here.
I feel like this happened before and I don’t want it to happen again.
I told myself I’d never do this again, what am I doing here?
I’m going to regret this tomorrow.
This feels just like last time.
You get the idea….
Too often, people ‘put up’ with nonsense when they could be making the changes that will take them forward. Using Poison Ivy as toilet paper once happens, but why make the same mistake twice? Is it time to hit the ‘stop’ button on something in particular in your life that is unhealthy, maybe even good, that is taking up space for something that is healthy and life giving? Pull the weeds, and plant a seed.