Here’s a FREE Mini Ebook I wrote recently! Enjoy!

How to Make New Friends and Clients!

Introduction

“In the beginning…” Genesis 1:1

The genesis of this book may have began a few years back when I met a guy at Starbucks.  I was studying at an out door table on the patio and he was by himself having a drink as well.  Somewhere along the way, we started talking.

He told me he was a contractor, so I asked him how he gets new clients, since I imagined that can be a challenge for many people.  

“Easy”, he said, “like this.”

“I don’t follow,” I said.

“I talk with people.  I might ask them if they have a vacation this year (in retrospect, what a great way to pre-qualify someone- chances are if they can afford a vacation, they can afford home repairs), and go from there.  Eventually the topic of ‘what I do’ comes up and I tell them.”

While I thought that was a pretty smart approach at the time, the genius of it has just began to dawn on me this past year.

The same can be applied to making new friends.  You cannot make new friends if you never position yourself to make new friends!  Simple right?  But kinda revolutionary at the same time.

So in these few short chapters, let’s talk about this some more.  While you’re at it, I challenge you to write a short book of your own and share it with your friends!  Don’t worry about what anyone is going to think.  Just write it.  Make it plain.  Just go with the flow.  Don’t worry about how good it is.  Type it out and push send!  Blessings! Cory

Chapter 1- Meet People Where they Hurt

“I’m older now but still runnin’ against the wind.” –BOB SEGER Against the Wind

The people you are trying to reach are just like you- they are in pain!

While you may be healed of the pain inflicting them at this moment, they are waiting for your cure.  You are the doctor.  You possess the solution, serum, cure…they need.

One of the number one pains right now- post pandemic aside- is connection.  That’s right.  They were lonely before the prescribed isolation and now they are even lonelier.  If you don’t believe me, think about how nice it is to see people’s faces again and having the capacity to fully communicate through facial expressions rather than Zoom, Skype, FaceTime, phone, etc.

But more than another pretty face, they have specific needs.  They want answers to the questions keeping them up at night.  They want to ‘do better’.  The list goes on and on.  But the biggest thing they are interested in is someone who treats them well.  Someone who loves them- warts and failures included.  Someone who will listen and be more concerned with what they have to say.  Someone who gets them and cares for them.  Someone who doesn’t run for the hills when they reveal their greatest fears and failures.

The Golden Rule is ‘Treat others the way you would want to be treated’.  

The miracle is that you never really know who you’re talking to until you strike up a conversation and listen.  On a daily basis, I assure you that if you’ll start talking to others and be more interested in them than you are yourself, your whole world will change.  Everyday, commonplace life will be replaced with a life of wonder and vitality.  You will actually begin to perk up your radar and be on the lookout for miraculous connections.  In watering other people, just as you’d water plants, you will be watered!

Can it be used for bad?  YES!  Just like any other powerful principle, it can be used to do harm.  But remember, the goal is to treat others the way you would want to be treated.  So what is the answer?

Be the friend or business owner who reduces your friend and client’s pain, rather than adding to it.

Chapter 2– Be the Catalyst for Change

“Sometimes I sit and think and sometimes I just sit.” -SATCHEL PAGE American Professional Baseball Player

My Grandfather was a farmer.  When he died, someone walked by the Funeral Home and asked if the Mayor had died.  Why?  Because he was well-loved.  He was literally that guy who would give you the shirt off his back.

All my life I wondered how he performed the miracles that he did.  In his presence, you were loved, affirmed.  It was powerful!  He was one of the most approachable people I’ve ever known.  He’d work all day on the farm than load up a rowboat in his pick-up and take us fishing.

He was genuine.  

Ancient sculptors used wax to hide blemishes in their works.  You wouldn’t know it until they were exposed to heat. He had no wax!

The reason he was able to do what he did is because it flowed out of who he was.  He was authentic.  He didn’t have to pretend.  It was his nature.

That’s how we avoid using the Golden Rule to help others rather than hurt them.  We keep their best interests in mind…and we operate from a place of value.  

The goal is not just to make new friends or clients.  The goal is to enhance the lives of others.  To be fruitful and multiply!  To father a tribe of like-minded individuals.  To meet people where they’re at and give them the keys to the Kingdom.  Imagine a world where we all looked out for each other and cherished opportunities to be a blessing to one another.

Some of them won’t buy what your selling (friendship or business wise) even if it’s the best thing for them!  It’s called cognitive dissonance.  Without getting into all of the psychology of it, they are pre-programmed to disbelieve the truth due to their family of origin, demographics, upbringing, negative experiences…In some cases you can actually talk to them until you’re blue in the face and it won’t make a difference, unless…

I’m glad that my own lack of understanding, immaturity, blindness, etc. were no obstacles to my Grandfather.  It took awhile, but eventually I came to understand  what he was trying to teach and model and you can do the same.

Chapter 3- Your Newfound Superpower

“Pebbles and marbles like words from a friend

Make us hold tight but are lost in the end

When we’re alone we all seem to tend

If we find a marble in the dust

To wish someone left it for us”- PHISH (The band)

Do you believe in ghosts?  Lol.  It’s a new term for me, but most of us have been getting ghosted all of our lives and just didn’t have a word for it.  You get ghosted when someone seems like they want to connect but then they disappear…they don’t accept your calls, your emails go unanswered as well as your texts.  Before you jump to conclusions, you have to remember that life is really complex these days.  We used to do life on a daily basis in a pond but now it’s an ocean…technology has made it so that our worlds have gotten a lot bigger.

So what’s the newfound superpower?  Empathy.

Remember, it’s not new at all, we’ve already talked about it- it’s the Golden Rule.  

People may not be necessarily ghosting you…they may just be distracted, forgetful, trying to take care of their family, paying their bills, trying to stay ahead of the eight ball, or…yes, they may be ghosting you.

Here’s the rub.  If you know what you have to offer is of value- be it friendship or a product or service, there’s something you can do.

Don’t give up!  Keep adding value.  Specific value.  It might be an article, insight, a free e-book like this, wisdom…you get the idea.  If the product or service you are offering has the potential to revolutionize their life and those they love, it is your mission to reach them- not by creeping them out, or spamming their inbox, but in new and creative ways, and for good reason.

While I was working on my doctorate at Liberty University, a brass plaque outside the late Jerry Falwell’s cottage and barn read, ‘Never quit!’

If you’re going to grow your circle of friends and clients you have to cut the word ‘quit’ out of your dictionary today.

Chapter 4- Why you May be Getting Ghosted in your Personal and Business World

“Management is doing things right; leadership is doing the right things.”- PETER DRUCKER

I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that you have never Googled or researched the top causes of pain in the world.  Why?  Because until you read chapter 1, you found no value in that endeavor.  

I’m not going to list them all, but the number one thing people worry about, even before death, cancer, and sex is money.  But they also worry about a lot of other things, such as…retirement, finding daycare, learning a new hobby, finding a place to vacation, discovering the best product…the list goes on an on. 

So, the number one reason you may be getting ghosted actually has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them!  And here it is…just like you found no value in researching the causes of pain in people’s lives before reading this ebook, they may be finding little or no value in what you have to offer.  This is usually enough cause for most people to give up and look for someone who appreciates what they have to offer.  

Leaders know otherwise and practice accordingly.  Leaders are like good fishermen…just because a trophy Trout doesn’t appear to be interested in their offer, they keep casting!  It might take 10 casts or it may take 10,000- I know one guy who casted to the same Trout thousands of times one Summer before finally catching it.  I’m not saying people are fish and we catch them by repeatedly casting to them…hear me out, that’s not what I’m saying at all. People sometimes need space and time…they need repeated exposure to what you are offering- as we’ve said, sometimes they are too busy or distracted to realize what you bring to the table.  So what do you do?

Keep being friendly.  Keep providing value- specific value!  Don’t be just another pretty face.  Shine brightly.  Enhance their world.  Transform their personal hell into a heaven.  Meet their deepest needs (real and felt).  It’s not creepy.  It’s called love and it’s a lost art form.  It’s so difficult sometimes, that rather than persist, people pack up their picnic basket and go home.  But if you’re looking for more friends and clients, trading the pain of growing and developing your network for the safety and silence of home will only leave you more alone and lacking.

Life is like fishing.  If you want to succeed, you have to keep your line in the water.  The more time you spend untangling your line, sharpening your hooks, fussing over the right lure…the less time you are actually fishing!  There’s a time and place for all of that, and if you do find yourself having to do those things, then focus and do it right the first time.  Haste makes waste.  But you are not in it for a record one day catch.  When it comes to your web of friends and clients, it takes more than one day to experience true success.

Chapter 5- What if there’s an Easier Way

“Try softer, not harder.” -JOHN ORTBERG

I recently read where someone had been working hard and they shared a euphemism like ‘Nothing comes without hard work’.  I used to believe that myself but I’d like to amend that saying. Working hard, while it has its merits, isn’t the only way to have things or people come your way.  Sometimes the best things in life are free!  Thinking that all we have is the result of hard work can lead to failure and missing out on some of the best things life has to offer.  I’m all for hard work.  I actually enjoy hard work, sweat, and the reward of enjoying and admiring the fruits of my labor.  But there’s more to success than hard work.  

Everybody knows there are things we can do to have people and business come into our lives, however there is something we must remember.  God’s timeline is not always the same as ours!

Sometimes, a few seconds can seem like a minute when someone pauses before saying ‘yes’.  A few minutes can seem like a week when you’re waiting for a text.  A week can seem like a month when you’re waiting for a conflict to resolve.  A month can seem like a year when you’re waiting for a paycheck.  A year can seem like a decade when you’re searching for a new client, and decades can seem like a life-time when your waiting for your son to start talking to you again.

The key is not just patience, but persistence.  Don’t let anything short of Heaven stop you from leading with love.

Everyone loves instant success.  Everyone gets excited when they hit the bull’s eye the first time.  But there’s something even sweeter when success has to be earned.

When it comes to building new friendships and relationships with clients, think of it as a marathon and not a sprint.  Work smarter and harder.  It’s no different than working on a degree or a lifetime achievement.  Your only job is to keep showing up and shining!  Some people will see it instantly and others may take years.  But the more you do it, the better you’ll get and the easier it will come!  Call it what you want—the law of averages, experience, providence, luck- put this principle to work in your life and your life will change!

Babe Ruth held the record for homers, but he also held the record for strike-outs.  Keep swinging for the seats!

Chapter 6- How Does this all Work?

“The less I do, the more I make!” -Anonymous

Years ago, I had the pleasure of meeting a sweet and loving retired salesman and I remember two things he told me.  First, he said he had never owned a pet because he loved people more than pets (if I specified he’d never had a cat or dog, there would have been a 50 percent chance that you’d close this book.). Second, he said that he was his number one product.  I can still hear him say,  “If I can sell myself, I can sell anything!” I guess I must have bought what he was selling, because I love and miss him and still believe what he said was true.

The reason this all works, is because the Golden Rule isn’t just something we do, it’s what we live by, who we are…it’s valuable– worth MORE than gold- and it’s foundation is love!  And love is, always has been, and forever will be the greatest thing in the world!

Unlike others who try to love and give up, successful people embody and display love regardless of how they are received or recognized.  They are like the Sun and rain, who remain constant and continual, forever providing for those who don’t even deserve it.  People like Jesus, George Washington Carver, Lincoln…people like you!

You show me anyone who has reached the pinnacle of success or is currently enjoying a measure of success only imagined by most and I will show you someone who understands this principle.

Ultimately, we don’t fully know how it all works, but it does!  And the good news is we don’t have to understand how it all works, we just have to believe that it does.

Reaching and grabbing for friends and clients via whatever method that works best rather than from a place of love and value, may work for awhile, but it’s sure to fail.

What people want, need, and crave is love and trust.  That person is you.  It may not have been true for you in the past, but now it is.  Your job now is to pass it on!

Further Thoughts

There is still too much to say and this has been far too small a place to say it, but I know you get the idea.  Go out and write your book.  1) Decide to operate from a place of love and value 2) Meet people where they’re hurting and listen to their heart and be the balm they are crying for 3) And keep being the balm even when they reject you- never let anyone extinguish the love blazing in your soul 4) It will get easier and you’ll see greater and larger results 5) Keep the faith! 6) You’ll be blessed and so will they!

Here’s an exercise that takes just a few minutes but might be worth millions! Take a piece of paper and a pen and write ‘skills’ at the top of the page and ‘benefits’.  Then brainstorm for each world.  What are your skills and how can they provide benefit and value for your friends and clients?

Blessings-

Dr. Cory MacNeil

P.S: There’s more FREE writing archived at www.corymacneil.net as well as a few books for sale on amazon.com.  

If you’d rather schedule a phone call, reach out to me: corymacneil@corymacneil.net.

©coryamacneil 2022